I'm Scared.

I'm hesitant to write about this but because this blog is sort of my way to deal with things I guess here is as good of a place as any. It's a relevant part of my life right now and I think it's important to document these points in my life.

I'm scared, terrified really of what's to come in the next year. Even though I've made a solid decision on what to do post secondary I still have no idea what to do. I was really depending on this school year to help me out but it seems that I'm all by myself now. Right now I'm unable to think of anything except school and it's worrying me so much I can't sleep or eat or enjoy anything.

I have no idea how university works. I need help to understand how to apply to university, what classes to take, and how to get scholarships/loans. I also have to figure out some way to do the graduation transitions program that must be done at my high school to graduate. I'm so confused and worried, especially for applying to university. My transcript is going to be quite weird and I feel that I will have to explain a lot of things in order to be admitted. Traditionally it's known in my town that the university I will be applying to is easy to get into and with good grades I never worried about getting in before but now that everything's all screwed up I'm scared that I'll have to put off university for a year which I really don't want to do. I'm not ready to grow up yet. I can't handle the pressures of a job because all I know is school and studying. I don't have job skills and if I don't have a job what will I do for that year I may have to put off? I don't want to waste a year of my life and it's not like I can afford to travel or anything. I need those four years of university to figure out my life. I just need more time before I have to make these adult decisions. I'm not ready for all this yet. I wish I could just get one more year of being a kid. Just give me my senior year of high school then I'll grow up with no complaint. I really just need more time...