My Method Towards Relationships

Today I was watching a show on relationships which covered many different types of relationships in detail which was refreshing since relationships are often portrayed halfheartedly. What I mean is that they are always negative or positive, you never really get to hear about the gray areas. Thinking about the gray areas, I began to think about what I am like around people I like and what kind of things I do to try and win them over.

In my life, I have followed two different patterns. The first strategy was intense feelings of love with little to no action. The second strategy was guarded feelings and straight forward action. It's a bit hard to decipher which method is better because they both worked in such different ways.

With intense feelings of love and little to no action, I was able to fall deeply and innocently in love with someone without actually making any move towards them. This method put my heart fully on the line. I never had my heart broken with this method because I never confessed. However, it hurt me as I was getting over the person because I realized I was giving my heart out too easily to people who didn't want it.

After hitting that realization I had a shift. This is when I began to safeguard my feelings but approached things more straightforwardly. I began doing this because I didn't want to waste so much time on people who didn't like me. With the other method, my crushes were lasting for years but with this one, they only lasted for a couple of months. I would confess my feelings to them and move on if they didn't like me. I've confessed my feelings properly to two guys in my life. With one guy he rejected me but I never put my heart into it so it didn't hurt me thus the beauty of this method. The other guy had mutual feelings for me and we dated. However, because I was so used to safeguarding my heart, I was unwilling to openly give my heart to him. This defensiveness caused a lot of problems and resulted in my worst broken heart caused by myself.

I've been trying to merge the two patterns together after realizing the mishaps of being too careful. Clearly, there is no way to prevent yourself from getting hurt when you like someone. I've had countless crushes in my life and only one person has reciprocated my feelings so I know quite a bit about one-sided love. If I've learned anything about relationships it's this: keep a tight hold on your heart until you find out if your feelings are reciprocated or not, if they are you have to let go of your heart and give it away or else it will be suffocated in your hold. If the feelings aren't reciprocated keep holding onto your heart until they are. One day you'll find a person worthy of giving your heart to.