How is it possible to miss someone who is so close?

When my boyfriend and I were long distance I can honestly say I didn't miss him too much. The first four months were easy because we were still getting to know each other and the connection was building up so I didn't really miss him. He came to visit after that and once he left I missed him a ton for like a month. However, once I got used to him not being there the next three months were fairly easy, I missed him but it was manageable. The last month of our long distance relationship I missed him like crazy because I knew he was coming soon and I just wanted time to move faster.

Now we've been in a normal relationship for about six months and I feel like I miss him more now than I did when we were long distance. I get to see him about three times a week which is realistically the perfect amount of time together but in my heart, I always want more. If I could live unrealistically I would move in with him so I get to see him every day and always wake up beside him. I know that living together doesn't make sense right now as our relationship is still fairly new (just over a year) and we can't do it financially. He's so close now that I could see him every day if I wanted to yet going even a sad without seeing him makes me miss him. I feel crazy for being sad when he goes home because I know I'll see him again in a couple of days anyway. I never knew I could miss someone so much who is so close.

Every day before I see him I get so excited. I fall asleep that night happy, knowing I get to see him the next day. No matter how bad of a day I might have it's all worth it because at the end of the day I get to see him again. This happens even if I saw him the previous day meaning that I miss him even if it's only been about 36 hours since I last saw him. I've always been a person who likes my space and personal time so it's weird to me that I want to be around another person this much. I'm really thankful that I got to meet someone who makes me feel this way because it's times like these when I realize just how much I love him.

Timing Is Bullsh*t

I remember being fifteen years old and experiencing my first heartbreak. I had said goodbye to a boyfriend I still really liked because I knew we weren't working at that point in time. I reassured myself that if we were meant to be we would be. He had told me that maybe we'd meet again later in life. I held out hope that our timing had been wrong and we'd get it right the next time. Later I learnt that the timing was exactly what it was supposed to be.

I don't believe that the timing of things is ever wrong. Some people like to complain that they met people at the wrong times and that if only the timing had been right, it would have worked. I used to be one of those people who liked to blame things on timing. As I've gotten older and experienced more of what time has shown me, I've learnt that it's never wrong.

When I was nineteen I had a summer fling. I was smitten with the guy and hoped the relationship would become something more but it never did. He broke up with me after a month and in order to "one up" him, I started searching for new guys right away. Little did I know how perfect the timing of that break up was but when it happened I wished he hadn't given up on us so early.

One week after being broken up with I met who I currently call the love of my life. As I met him and got to know him I became thankful for the timing of my previous relationship because had it not happened exactly the way it did, I wouldn't have met him. Our circumstances weren't great since we lived on opposite sides of the country. In the beginning, I was just gonna call our meeting bad timing but it was exactly the right timing. We pulled towards each other despite all the obstacles saying the timing was bad. I was too young, we were too far away, long distance was too hard; all these things shouted no to anyone else but to us, there was no answer but yes. Our timing shouldn't have been great but it was. Since things lined up so perfectly for us to come into each other's lives, I can't ever believe that bad timing is the reason a relationship doesn't work out.

Your relationship doesn't fail because of bad timing, it fails because it wasn't the right relationship.

I'm In A Serious Relationship

A couple of months ago I wrote a post called "I want to be committed but not serious" in which I expressed my ideas on commitment vs seriousness in a relationship. I claimed I wanted to be committed but not serious because I was twenty years old and too young to be serious.

I did not want to make plans far in the future, spend my weekends gardening, think seriously about marriage, spend evenings thinking of baby names, etc. However, somehow I've gotten into a serious relationship without even realizing it. I'm now planning trips with my boyfriend months ahead, I'm growing a garden with him at my house, and I'm sure I want to marry him one day. We haven't talked about baby names but we have talked about how we want to be great parents one day.

When I wrote the post I know it came from being afraid. I loved him but I didn't know if we had a future together yet since he hadn't moved to my city yet. Things were still new and scary, the last thing I wanted was to be hurt so I tried to protect myself by claiming I didn't want to be "serious". After spending just a couple of months with him, my feelings have changed a lot. Now we have celebrated our one year anniversary together and I'm going to meet his parents in the winter, I'm not scared of whether or not we have a future. For right now I love him and I can't imagine a point in my life when I won't. I want to be a "boring" couple with him and do serious couple things because I am serious about him.

Moving Fast

Right now I'm nearing the end of my summer vacation and preparing to restart my normal life. For the past couple of months I've been doing practically nothing while spending the majority of my time with my boyfriend. By this time next month, I'll be starting school again and drastically changing my everyday life.

Currently, I spend about half the week with my boyfriend and honestly that isn't enough. I've become greedy since he moved here a couple of months ago. I know it's impossible since we both have lives (well I'll have one soon) but I want to spend all my time with him. Lately, I've been thinking about how much I'd like to move into an apartment with him but that's crazy since I'm a twenty-year-old university student. Since meeting him I've decided on the mentality that I don't want to rush through life but instead walk slowly through each milestone however my thoughts lately don't match that. I keep thinking too far into the future imagining things like moving in together, getting a dog, getting engaged, getting married, having kids, etc. At this point, I'm just wondering if this is normal when you find someone you love or if there's something wrong with me. Obviously, I'm not ready for any of the things I imagine but I'm overjoyed when imagining them. Am I moving too fast or am I just in love?

Can't Make Up My Mind

I have this issue right now that is kinda annoying me. When my boyfriend is with me and hanging out at my house I want space but when he is gone I miss him like crazy. I feel like I can't make up my mind on whether or not I want to spend time with him.

I don't know if it's because we just ended our long distance relationship but whenever he goes home I feel extremely clingy. I want to send him tons of messages and pictures and videos. I know I can but I also know he has stuff to do so I try not to express my clinginess. Weirdly enough when I am actually with him I don't act clingy at all, in fact, I probably act distant. I really don't know what's wrong with me.

I really have no solution to this problem. I just kinda needed somewhere to express my feelings so this post is kind of a dead end.

Reunited

Our relationship started in a way that made it seem impossible for it to go anywhere. I was nineteen years old, fresh out of a relationship, and playing around on Tinder. I stumbled upon a guy from the other side of the country who was in town visiting and we matched. We went out on a date that turned into two dates that turned into constant texting that turned into a long distance relationship. Four months later he came to visit me and five months after that he moved to my town.

A couple of days ago I was waiting at the airport in disbelieve that our long distance relationship was finally ending after nine months apart. Then all of a sudden he walked through the gate and we were reunited.

My anxiety was off the charts the first day we spent together. I was so nervous my body was shaking uncontrollably, my stomach was flipping and flopping, and my body temperature was soaring. I had waited so long to see him then once I finally could my body perceived him as an unknown person. After taking some time apart for me to calm down, I began to feel elated and excited to be around him again. Finally, it felt like our reunition was real.

We have a date tomorrow and I'm so excited I might not be able to sleep tonight. I have my outfit all picked out and my bag packed already. Despite being apart for only a couple of days I miss him a lot and I can't wait to see him again. I'm thrilled we are finally a normal couple who doesn't have to worry about our next parting.

I Want to be Committed but not Serious

When I was young I used to get caught up in the idea of a fairy tale romance, where you meet your soul mate and live happily ever after together. When I discovered that fairy tale romances don't exist in life, I showed my first signs of being a commitment-phobe.

Not to have a big head, but I tend to find great guys to date. No one is without their flaws but I tend to go for the type of guys who are nice, smart, and will never hurt you. Also known as "safe" guys. The only problem with safe guys is that they require a lot of attention and commitment, that doesn't work so well for me. Anytime a relationship has gotten too serious I usually freak out and search for a reason to break up.

To me, there is a difference between a committed relationship and a serious relationship. A committed relationship is simply when two people decide to only be with each other and not see anyone else. I cannot be in a relationship that is not committed. However, a serious relationship is one that is going somewhere. In a serious relationship, you are merely in the first stage on track to forever. You make plans far into the future, you settle down, spend your weekends gardening, you seriously think about getting married, you spend evenings discussing baby names, etc. I'm not sure if it's the commitment-phobe in me or the fact that I'm twenty years old but I don't want a serious relationship right now.

I love my boyfriend, but I'm worried we are getting into serious territory. Although our age difference is small, we are at different stages in life. He likes to talk about future plans, trips we'll go on, spending forever together, and it scares me. This is the problem because I want all of those serious commitment things but just not anytime soon. I want to think of our relationship without a timeline, no future plans, no promises. Just whatever happens happens. In short, I just want to have fun and live life freely. I don't know how to communicate my feelings though because I feel like whenever I try to explain it, it sounds like I don't want a relationship at all. I want the commitment, I don't like worrying what I mean to someone, but I don't want to feel like I'm chained down.

What I Used to Think Relationships Were

Before I fell in love I had an awful view of what relationships were like. In the beginning, things would be lovely. You and your partner would just connect. You'd be able to talk for hours. You would laugh all the time. Just being around them would make you happy. Over time things would start to become repetitive and boring. The things that were once funny aren't and suddenly the person who used to understand you doesn't. Nothing would have provoked this change, just time itself. Of course, fights would start happening and soon enough you'd break up.

I've been dating my boyfriend for eight months now, obviously not that long in the scope of life but pretty long for me (longest past relationship= two months). We still laugh until our faces hurt like we did in our first month of dating. We carry on completely random conversations that come out of nowhere, never running out of things to talk about. It's been eight months and I still like him just as much as when I first met him. We still don't fight and we still get along scarily well.

I've told my boyfriend what I thought relationships were and sometimes he'll bring it up and say things like, "It's been eight months, is our relationship boring yet?" and I'd, of course, say no. I can't even imagine a point in time where being with him will be boring or a time when he won't be able to make me laugh. Every day I'm with him I just fall in love all over again. I know that a lot of the time people grow apart in relationships or that small annoyances turn into big issues but I also know that sometimes people are happy together for long periods of time. I have yet to experience if a lasting love is real but at least now I feel like it's possible and that's a big step from thinking every relationship is doomed.

What It's Like to be in a Long Distance Relationship

It's terrible because I love you so much that I feel like my heart is going to burst. I just want to scream it to the sky but I know even then you are too far away to hear it. I go to sleep lonely every night wishing you had your arms wrapped around my waist and your body pressed against mine. I spend my days thinking about all the incredible adventures we have ahead of us but in my free moments I count and recount the days until you get here. I want to kiss you all the time but we spend so much time apart I can't even remember what your lips feel like. I just think back to our last visit and I'm consumed with thoughts of I should have kissed you more, I should have spent more time with you, I should have made it absolutely clear how crazy I was about you when I had the chance to. Now I try to communicate my feelings through skype sessions and silly emojis but there are some things words can't say. Words won't tell you what it's like on a lonely night when I'm wearing your sweater that I've avoided washing for two weeks because I want to hold on to the last trace of something that smells like you. I can't explain how much I crave you in every sense. How much I want to be near you, to touch you, and to talk to you without a computer screen separating us. I have to watch happy couples going on the dates I want to go on and do the things I want to do with you.

It sucks most of all because I know that it's not only me that feels this way, our pain is amplified because we both feel it. We are both miserable being apart. We are counting down the days, watching relationship milestones go past as we just pray that time will speed up and we'll be in each other's arms again. The only redeeming fact about our situation is that we have each other. The only reason we put ourselves through this torture is because of the intense love we feel for each other. The love that is so strong not even 4000km can get in the way. So yes long distance relationships are awful but in the end, I have you, so it's worth all the pain.

Learning a New Relationship Lesson

There are many lessons when it comes to being in a relationship that I have not yet learned. Recently, I've been having a mini freak out at the thought of my current boyfriend being my last boyfriend.

Obviously, I have no idea if he'll be the guy I end up with but so far it seems like it might end up that way. My boyfriend is incredible, he's literally everything I've ever wanted and more. We get along really well and have similar beliefs and opinions. So there have been thoughts that have crossed my mind along with, what if I have settled down already? What if I'm done with dating forever? I'll never be able to go out with any other guys. There are so many guys in the world, how will I deal with never being able to have a chance with them?

I already knew the answer to this problem before it even became a thing I thought about but I think I needed a reminder. I went out for my 20th birthday and since my boyfriend and I are long distance, he obviously couldn't come out with me. I went to a club and I literally did not care about any guy there. I kinda looked around and all I could think was "insert boyfriend's name here" is better. There were even guys that came up to me and my friend who were asking us to hang out with them or dance or whatever, and I just did not care. Going out just reminded me of how great I have it and how thankful I am to be with my boyfriend.

So if my boyfriend ends up being the last guy I ever date, I'll never have regrets about that. If he's the one I settle down with, great. If I'm done with dating forever, thank god. If I never get a chance with any other guys, that's probably for the best since none of them are better than my current boyfriend anyway. However, I know it's early both in my relationship and in my life so there's no guarantee I'll end up with my boyfriend but if I do, I will never be upset about my lack of experience with other people.

I Only Date Dog People

I was thinking about what my current boyfriend and past boyfriends have in common and I noticed one thing, they all have dogs. I only just realized this recently and honestly it's a bit strange. Not long before dating my second boyfriend I sort of dated this guy who just wasn't suited to me as a boyfriend. This guy I sort of dated was a cat person. I'm not saying I have some weird thing where I'm only attracted to dog people but that's been the pattern so far.

I mean it sort of makes sense that I would want to share that common interest with a boyfriend since I love dogs so much. I'm also allergic to cats which means it would be tough to have a long term relationship with someone who had a cat because I would never want to go over to his place. Plus in the future when I move out I will definitely be getting a dog at some point. I mean I currently have a dog but she's in love with my mom so I would never take her when I move out. If I was in a relationship with someone and decided to move in with them, it would just work best if we both like dogs.

Who knows, maybe subconsciously I just pick out dog people without knowing it. I just thought it was strange that all of my boyfriends have had dogs.

What is First Love?

Throughout my life, I've always tried to define one word, love. It's so mysterious to me because love can be felt in so many different ways. When I looked up the definition one that came up was, love is a person or thing one loves. No wonder it confuses me because even love can't be defined without using the word love.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot and I've been wondering who my first love was. If first love is the first person you have strong feelings of affection for, it would be my 4th-grade crush. If first love is the first person who also feels those strong feelings for you, it would be my first boyfriend. If first love is the first person you know you are in love with, it would be my current boyfriend.

I suppose there is no real reason I need to figure out who my first love was. It's just that as I get older and gain more experience, I'm learning more and more about what love is. I feel like some people don't even have to question what love is but I always have.

After thinking about it for a while I settled on an answer that makes sense to me. My first love was my first boyfriend because even though I wasn't in love with him, I did love him. I can't count any of my crushes as love because I don't think unrequited love is the same as requited love. I also can't call my current boyfriend my first love even though he's the first guy I've been in love with because that would be completely ignoring the feelings I had for my first boyfriend and how hard it was more me to get over them. I know it may seem weird that I consider loving someone and being in love with someone as completely different things but, to me, they are. I think first love is kind of open to interpretation but that's how I see it.

Unconditional Love

I hope one day when I get married I love my spouse as much as I love my dog. Every time I see my dog I start to smile because she is so cute. I run over to her and give her a hug and kiss her little head. I call her ridiculous nicknames because she is so lovely I can't settle on one. Even when she makes me mad, I forgive her because I love her so much. And when I'm feeling upset she comes over to me and sits right next to me, comforting me with only her presence. I know it may seem silly but I think if I loved my spouse as unconditionally as I love my dog, we'll live a very happy life.

Am I Able to Fall in Love? Part 2

About a year ago I wrote a blog post about whether or not I thought I was capable of falling love. I ended the post by saying I was worried I'd never fall in love. That just shows how much your life can change in just one year.

To answer the question, yes I am able to fall in love. I know the answer now because I have fallen in love for the first time in my almost 20 years of life. I've heard before in life that love isn't something you can explain but you'll know it when you feel it. That saying never used to make sense to me. However, after falling in love for the first time, I truly understand what that quote means.

To be completely honest, within hours of meeting, I knew things were different with him. Around him, I feel safe and comfortable. Not to say that my heart doesn't race but that's not the important part of love. To me, I'd say love is being able to show someone your complete self without holding anything back. I have no way of explaining exactly how I know that I've fallen in love. Love really isn't something that can be explained or justified, you just feel it.

For now, I'm keeping these feelings to myself. To me, the moment you say you love someone for the first time is very important. I've never had that big moment when a guy tells me he loves me, it's always been kinda meaningless. That's why when I say I love you for the first time, I want it to be completely sincere. Even though I know that I'm in love with my boyfriend, I want to wait until we are in person to say it. I feel like if I said it through video chat it would take away the meaning of it.

In conclusion yes I am able to fall in love.

The first thing my boyfriend ever said to me reminds me a lot of this quote

Why Now?

You asked me once, "Why couldn't we have met earlier?"
But timing is an important part of a relationship.
It wasn't just that we went to different high schools or were in different grades. It didn't have anything to do with the fact that even in the same space we still wouldn't have crossed paths.
You came into my life now because I wasn't ready for you in the past.
Back then I wouldn't have appreciated you, I wouldn't have been able to treat you right, and I wouldn't have realized how special you are.
I was scared, afraid and broken.
I think that even someone as perfect for me as you, wouldn't have been able to last in my life.
We met now because now I can open my whole heart to someone.
I'm not afraid to say the truth.
I'm not afraid to admit I'm wrong or that I'm doing things wrong.
I'm not afraid to let someone get to know the real me.
And I'm not afraid to be in love.
If you look back on your life, you might be able to see it too.
All the reasons you weren't ready to meet me.
People come into our lives at different times for different reasons.
I've always believed dating is just practice for when you meet the right person.
Even if I got my heart broken and it was painful at times, dating other people has prepared me for meeting you.
Without those experiences, I wouldn't be who I am today and I wouldn't be a person who could accept you 100% into my life.
We met now because now we are prepared.

Emotionally Exhausted

I'll say first off that this doesn't happen very often, but since I entered my long distance relationship I have occasionally had days like today where I feel completely worn out emotionally. It doesn't correlate to how long I've gone without talking to him though because I literally video chatted with him yesterday.

I'd describe this feeling as just a messed up combination of emotions. I'm a little bit sad, upset, mopey, tense, nervous, happy, excited and tired all at the same time. On a scale of good to bad, this feeling is more towards bad but it does have positive emotions in it as well.

I think I feel emotionally exhausted today because I was so happy yesterday that I wore myself out.

Being in a long distance relationship is demanding on your emotions. Most of the time I can go about my day normally sort of forgetting the situation I'm in. There is always a part of me that misses him and wishes he was here but usually my logical side wins and I have a normal day. On the rare days where I can't handle my feelings, I'm an emotional wreck like I am today. Sometimes I'm resentful that he lives so far away, other times I'm sad that I can't spend time with him like other couples do, and other times I'm upset because it's still so long until I get to see him again.

In the end, I'm in this situation because I want to be. Like I said most of the time I'm completely fine. It's just those rare days where the missing him takes over and completely screws around with my emotions to the point that I just want to sleep all day. I know when I'm going to see him again and I know when our long distance will end so it's not as bad for me as it is for other people. I enjoy having time to myself and I know waiting for him will be worth it. Today I'm just a bit exhausted.

I'm In

I don't have any way to prove it to you but I can wait for you. Even back when I thought I'd have to go eight months without seeing you in person, I still knew I could wait. Could is the wrong word, I want to wait. I can't say this to you partially because it's too cheesy and partially because I don't want to scare you off but there's a reason I am so certain. Never before have I connected so much with a guy. After meeting you and getting to know you, I'm not sure I'll ever meet someone more suited towards me.

It's similar to the reason I deleted tinder because I knew after meeting you, I wasn't going to find anyone better on there. Actually meeting you was a complete fluke and I can't even explain why I liked you. I think it was along the lines of me seeing your picture thinking you were cute, reading your description and finding out you weren't from here, then swiping right just 'cause. I didn't think you would match with me, I didn't think you would message me, and I didn't think we would meet up. I didn't expect any of it and honestly, I wasn't even in a place where I was looking for someone. My boyfriend had just broken up with me two weeks before I started talking to you. I was over him but I didn't want to just jump right back into dating either as I had been doing it almost constantly for four months and nothing was going the way I wanted it to. But then I met you and things were different than they had ever been before. Everything was easy and I wasn't stressed out at all. However, I knew you were leaving soon so I didn't really take it seriously. It wasn't until you started messaging me after you had left that I started to think maybe this could work.

Now here we are. I know I can't predict the future or how things will go but I will do everything in my power so that we have a chance. There are so many things I want to do with you that I won't give up on those experiences with you just because I get lonely. I think you could be the guy I actually fall in love with. I've never been in love and I'm kinda scared of love so that's saying a lot. I don't want to date just anybody. I want to date someone who is like my best friend, someone who I can tell everything to and who can make me laugh like no one else, but who is also still my boyfriend so we can go on dates and make out and stuff. To be honest you're the first guy I've dated who has fit that description. So yeah, don't worry about me. I'm in this 100%. You are saving up money to visit me and move to my city so the only thing I can do in return is wait for you and show you how much I appreciate everything you've done when you get here.

My Relationship Anxiety

I tried doing a google search on how I'm feeling (bad idea I know) but I couldn't find anything. Now I have no idea if this is just me or if other people have felt this. So in hopes that this will help me or someone else, I'm going to explain exactly what my relationship anxiety is.

My relationship anxiety only appears when I enter a relationship. I don't feel anxious at all when I'm talking/flirting with someone I like but the second they mention a relationship I freak out. It's not because I don't want to be in a relationship because I do, there is just something about someone saying I'm their girlfriend that makes my anxiety go into overdrive. Once I realize that this person I really like, likes me back, I always get the same symptoms. First of all, I get really shaky and I can't stop myself from shaking until I distract myself with something else (like music or a tv show). Secondly, I throw up. The throwing up doesn't happen one hundred percent of the time but enough that I know it's related. Lastly, I completely lose my appetite. These symptoms can last anywhere from a couple of hours to a couple of weeks.

Example 1: When I was texting my first boyfriend, I was totally happy until he said he wanted to be in a relationship and asked me on a date. The second I realized I might actually get a boyfriend, my anxiety kicked in. It didn't last too long because we set up the date for the next day. That entire night was miserable for me. I slept for a grand total of five minutes because I was shaking so much and I threw up twice. The date ended up going alright but I couldn't enjoy it because I was so exhausted by not sleeping and throwing up.

You might ask yourself, "why did she go on the date when she was feeling so bad?" The reason was that I knew it would just keep happening if I rescheduled the date. Plus I didn't want that terrible night to be in vain, so I just wanted to go on the date in hopes that I would never feel like that again.

Example 2: When I dated my second boyfriend I realized this was something I wasn't going to be able to escape. I thought it happened the first time because I was inexperienced and I hoped that since I had already dated someone it wouldn't happen again. However, with my second boyfriend, it happened pretty much the entire time we dated. I lost seven pounds in one month because I was unable to eat.

By this point, I came to another realization that my relationship anxiety probably came from being unable to predict what would happen. I am someone who needs to feel like I'm in control. Relationships are not something you can control and they are very unpredictable. I think the reason I feel relationship anxiety is because I feel out of control. With my first boyfriend, I quickly realized that he was really easy to predict and rarely tried to make a move on me, that's why the anxiety didn't last long with him. But, with my second boyfriend he was more unpredictable and very affectionate, so I never really knew what was going to happen.

Example 3: I technically just entered a relationship. We are long distance and have been talking for a little over a month. It wasn't until yesterday I felt the relationship anxiety for the first time. This is a bit of a weird situation for me because it usually affects me in the beginning. I know him pretty well so I can kinda predict how things will go. I have no idea if I was just triggered by the word relationship this time or what happened. I feel so comfortable around him and I know I don't have to be worried about him making a move or going too fast with me because he literally lives across the country. I'm kinda thinking that I'm freaking out this time because this seems like my real shot to have an actual long-term relationship. I guess it seems so perfect and things are going so well that I'm scared things will change now that we are actually in a relationship.

For now, I have no concrete idea what triggers my relationship anxiety and how to fix it. From experience, it seems to go away with time, usually when I become more comfortable around the person. It is weird that it happened with the person I'm more comfortable around than most people in my life. I'm hoping it's just a mini freak out and I'll get better soon.

If you ever feel like this, I hope you are comforted to know you aren't the only one. I've read about people feeling this way when in a bad relationship or after having had a bad relationship but I've only ever been in nice, healthy relationships. Although it's a weird thing to go through and you might feel like you are messed up because you feel this way, you are still a perfectly good person capable of love. Don't let it make you think you shouldn't be in relationships. Just think of it as a hurdle to overcome and once you do, you can enjoy spending time with someone you really love and who loves you back. It may be scary but keep hope that you'll overcome it one day.

Accurately describing my current relationship

Timelines Don't Matter

I don't know if this is a weird me thing but in relationships, I obsess about the timeline. For example how long you should wait until you kiss someone or how long you have to date someone before it becomes serious. In my mind, I'm always calculating at what stage in our relationship we should be at in regards to how long we've been together. It especially gets bad because I obsess a lot about affectionate type things like don't kiss someone on the first date or don't say I love you too early.

The key thing I've learned recently is there is no point obsessing over time in a relationship. The reason is I was more committed to sticking to an appropriate timeline than doing what I felt comfortable with or what I wanted to do in my heart. There were times when I felt ready for certain things but I put it off because I didn't want to mess up the timeline by doing it too early. Other times I tried to speed things up in order to stick to the timeline instead of letting things happen naturally.

With the current guy I like, I'm not thinking about the timeline at all. Part of the reason is that we live in different places so we can't follow a normal timeline because we don't see each other in person. However, the main reason is that I'm trying to follow my heart for once instead of my head. This guy is the first guy I've ever kissed on the first date. The funny thing is, it didn't feel too soon at all. When he first asked to kiss me, that rational side of me told me it was too soon but I ended up doing it anyway which is a decision I'm very happy with. If I had kissed other guys that soon, it probably would have felt rushed so that just goes to show that each relationship is different and will follow its own unique timeline. 

*you do NOT need to follow this*

Are They The Right One For Me?

Do you ever feel like a relationship feels completely different when it has ended compared to when it was happening? It seems like sometimes you get so caught up in the happy, someone actually likes me feelings that you don't really consider how well they suit you.

Case and point is I was dating this guy recently who I feel completely different about now vs then. When I was dating him I was totally infatuated, he really could do no wrong in my eyes. He was a cute, affectionate guy who treated me well. However, looking back at it now, I realize how doomed that relationship was. We really had nothing in common so we didn't talk very much. Quite often it felt like he was ignoring me but I assumed that was just because we had nothing to talk about. His "affection" was more like he wanted to get in my pants and less like he was loving. Looking back I think the only reason I was in that relationship was because I was attracted to him, there was really nothing else there.

When it comes to what kind of relationship I want this is what I always say, I want someone like a best friend but a best friend I can make out with. So to me, the most important quality a guy could have is being emotionally compatible with me, hence like a best friend. I think you can always tell whether or not you are emotionally compatible, sometimes you just want to ignore it because you like the person. 

Despite the fact that I keep saying I don't want to settle, I keep settling. The reason for that is I just didn't know how to tell if they are right for me. Recently I met someone who I connect with in a way I've never connected with someone before. I'm such a weirdo around him but he just thinks the weird parts of me are cute and is equally as weird himself. Meeting him has shown me exactly what it feels like to meet someone who suits you. Not only have I gotten a clear view of my past relationships but I've become surer of what I want in future relationships.