My relationship anxiety only appears when I enter a relationship. I don't feel anxious at all when I'm talking/flirting with someone I like but the second they mention a relationship I freak out. It's not because I don't want to be in a relationship because I do, there is just something about someone saying I'm their girlfriend that makes my anxiety go into overdrive. Once I realize that this person I really like, likes me back, I always get the same symptoms. First of all, I get really shaky and I can't stop myself from shaking until I distract myself with something else (like music or a tv show). Secondly, I throw up. The throwing up doesn't happen one hundred percent of the time but enough that I know it's related. Lastly, I completely lose my appetite. These symptoms can last anywhere from a couple of hours to a couple of weeks.
Example 1: When I was texting my first boyfriend, I was totally happy until he said he wanted to be in a relationship and asked me on a date. The second I realized I might actually get a boyfriend, my anxiety kicked in. It didn't last too long because we set up the date for the next day. That entire night was miserable for me. I slept for a grand total of five minutes because I was shaking so much and I threw up twice. The date ended up going alright but I couldn't enjoy it because I was so exhausted by not sleeping and throwing up.
You might ask yourself, "why did she go on the date when she was feeling so bad?" The reason was that I knew it would just keep happening if I rescheduled the date. Plus I didn't want that terrible night to be in vain, so I just wanted to go on the date in hopes that I would never feel like that again.
Example 2: When I dated my second boyfriend I realized this was something I wasn't going to be able to escape. I thought it happened the first time because I was inexperienced and I hoped that since I had already dated someone it wouldn't happen again. However, with my second boyfriend, it happened pretty much the entire time we dated. I lost seven pounds in one month because I was unable to eat.
By this point, I came to another realization that my relationship anxiety probably came from being unable to predict what would happen. I am someone who needs to feel like I'm in control. Relationships are not something you can control and they are very unpredictable. I think the reason I feel relationship anxiety is because I feel out of control. With my first boyfriend, I quickly realized that he was really easy to predict and rarely tried to make a move on me, that's why the anxiety didn't last long with him. But, with my second boyfriend he was more unpredictable and very affectionate, so I never really knew what was going to happen.
Example 3: I technically just entered a relationship. We are long distance and have been talking for a little over a month. It wasn't until yesterday I felt the relationship anxiety for the first time. This is a bit of a weird situation for me because it usually affects me in the beginning. I know him pretty well so I can kinda predict how things will go. I have no idea if I was just triggered by the word relationship this time or what happened. I feel so comfortable around him and I know I don't have to be worried about him making a move or going too fast with me because he literally lives across the country. I'm kinda thinking that I'm freaking out this time because this seems like my real shot to have an actual long-term relationship. I guess it seems so perfect and things are going so well that I'm scared things will change now that we are actually in a relationship.
For now, I have no concrete idea what triggers my relationship anxiety and how to fix it. From experience, it seems to go away with time, usually when I become more comfortable around the person. It is weird that it happened with the person I'm more comfortable around than most people in my life. I'm hoping it's just a mini freak out and I'll get better soon.
If you ever feel like this, I hope you are comforted to know you aren't the only one. I've read about people feeling this way when in a bad relationship or after having had a bad relationship but I've only ever been in nice, healthy relationships. Although it's a weird thing to go through and you might feel like you are messed up because you feel this way, you are still a perfectly good person capable of love. Don't let it make you think you shouldn't be in relationships. Just think of it as a hurdle to overcome and once you do, you can enjoy spending time with someone you really love and who loves you back. It may be scary but keep hope that you'll overcome it one day.
Accurately describing my current relationship
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