I'll admit I got into my first relationship really easily as we knew each other through our families. Moving from an ambiguous stage to a dating stage happened easily too. Even though everything lined up perfectly, dating was still hard. The first time was a learning experience filled with many, many mistakes.
For some reason, I thought that once you started dating it became really easy to find people to date. After my relationship ended I thought I would find someone new in a matter of months. Because I now had "experience" I thought guys would just start coming up to me and showing interest in me but that didn't happen. I was shocked to realize I was just as awkward as I was before I started dating.
Currently, I'm at an ambiguous stage with a potential second boyfriend and it's giving me a lot of flashbacks to my first relationship. I thought having experience would make things easier this time around but it just makes it harder. Although I should have the upper hand, I'm just as clueless as I was before. I still get so nervous I feel like throwing up, I still have no clue how to make conversation, and I'm still unable to make any sort of move.
I wish it got easier as time goes on but it doesn't. Every relationship is different just like every person is different. Every time you have to adapt to something new so it's hard to have everything go smoothly from the very beginning. No matter how many relationships you've had, your heart will still flutter like it's the first time.
(The picture of bell peppers doesn't have much relevance but it's cute)
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