I've traced the cause of my personality issues at school down to one single thing, I'm not awake. Obviously, I am awake but school happens too early in the day for me to bother to have any personality at all. This results in either: people thinking up stuck up or people thinking I'm boring. Like all the times my friends say that I'm the only one who doesn't annoy them or piss them off, if I was acting normally they wouldn't be saying that. I just come off that way because I don't act like myself at school.
My best friend and I have spent years talking about this but nothing has changed. She says I just need to try harder but I blame the morning and the fact that school is annoying. I mean I like learning but I never feel like a human being at school. It just feels like I'm put on pause for six hours. However, school is really the only time I leave the house on weekdays so it's annoying that the only time I see people I'm not acting normally.
I really hate how I act at school because I personally think I'm awful. Even though I'm a lot more annoying naturally, I prefer that version of myself. At school, I can't think of comebacks or witty things to say. I'm not funny or entertaining. Most of my humor comes from being annoying and doing/saying stupid things. This is especially true when I'm hanging out one on one with someone and I feel the need to say everything I'm thinking. Even though I know it pisses some people off, I wish I could be my natural silly, annoying self all the time.
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