Maybe it's because I've had a weird day, maybe it's the result of taking a nap at 5 pm but something feels very off about me today. In the grand scheme of my life, this year is looking to be one of my best. Things finally seem to be going right yet I can't help feeling like everything is wrong.
I don't know why this popped into my mind today but I can't stop worrying about myself. Lately, I haven't wanted to go to school. There's nothing I want to avoid at school but I keep making up excuses not to go. This year I'm having more anxiety attacks than I ever have before. Suddenly I can't be around new people without wanting to throw up and I can't do presentations in class without shaking. I don't contact friends. I don't write stories. I don't do anything.
Why this is happening is a mystery to me. My only guess is that I'm scared to graduate and move on in my life. I don't know if that's the reason or if I might be getting depressed again. It's been a couple of years since that period in my life and although I don't always feel 100% I feel a lot better than I did back then. Maybe I'm just having a bad day but I'm losing sight of what I want.
I don't what's happening to me. I don't know why it's happening. I don't know what to do to stop it from happening. Maybe I just need a break. Maybe when winter break comes, the stress of school will stop and I'll be able to think of something other than the math homework I haven't done yet.
I don't know how to end this post or why I'm even posting it in the first place. Probably for the same reason I post everything else, but this post seems neither helpful to others nor helpful to myself. Oh well. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and everything will be fine but today nothing's fine at all.
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