Pretending

It seems to be that in my life everything works best if I just pretend things are different than they actually are. I'm aware of reality but if I truly lived in reality it would be a lot harder to get up in the morning. My life isn't bad per say but if I didn't pretend it's different, I would be sad all the time.

How to explain this...? In complete honesty, I'm extremely lonely and stressed out. However living in this reality does me no good so I pretend that I'm not lonely or stressed out. Even though I'm unsure of whether or not I truly have any friends if I pretend that the people around me truly like and care for me I feel better. Even though I stay up late worrying about my future and happiness, if I pretend everything is fine, I feel better. Even though I feel like a pathetic loser for liking the person I like, if I pretend I don't like him, everything is good. My life seems to work this way. It's nothing to be sad or upset about, it's just how things have to be for now. I wish things were different but for now, I just have to pretend things are different until I can figure out how to change things.