Prom Baby!!!

I should clarify the title I just realized it can be read two ways, I'm just excited, there is no baby. But yeah I'm super duper excited because tonight is prom night. I have about another half an hour where I can get away with doing nothing until I get really busy.

Soon I'll be going to get my hair done then it'll be a big rush to do my makeup, get dressed and do everything I need to do to get ready. Right now I'm just enjoying this calm time and listening to music. But oh my god I can't believe this day is finally here. I've been dreaming of prom for like eighteen years (I'm kidding but it's been a long time). I honestly can't believe I'm already eighteen and getting ready for my prom night. Time moves so quickly. I feel like I was just entering kindergarten and now I'm graduating high school! It's all so exciting and slightly scary.

I really want to put on my dress now but I need to wait until after I do my makeup so sadly I have to stay in my lazy clothes for a while longer. Maybe I should put in my contacts now... Ok well, I'll go now and leave you with a picture of my beautiful dress. Prom!!!!!

It's Not Just Parents Who Worry

Today I was making dinner when my brother came home and asked where our mom was since the car was gone. I didn't realize she had left and never heard anything about it from her. I shrugged it off and figured it was no big deal. However, a couple hours of later it was dark out and she still wasn't home. I found her cell phone in the living room and began to worry. I had awful thoughts about something terrible happening to her. I ended up reading through her texts and began to worry she had gone to meet up with an awful ex-boyfriend of hers. By this point I was extremely scared and worried so I got my brother involved. We spent half an hour trying to figure out what had happened until finally she came home. It turns out she just went to visit a friend but it still caused me a lot of worry.

Usually it's parents worrying about their children but there are many time when the children worry about their parents. It has been a long-running trend in my life of me worrying something has happened to my mom every time she's late coming home. As a child when she went out I couldn't sleep until I knew she had gotten home safely. I know this situation turned out to be nothing but it still seems unfair of her to worry me like that. Just like a child shouldn't cause their parents to worry, parents shouldn't cause their kids to worry. It's easy enough to write a note when you leave or at least remember to take your phone so your kids know you are okay.

Do You Need A Date To Prom?

I feel like there's this distance between me and the rest of my grad class. It's like they all know exactly how all this graduation and prom stuff works but I have no clue. I get the basic details but stuff like dates and the bus to prom were things I thought no one bothered with. Turns out 90% of the grad class takes a bus from our photo-taking location to our prom location, I think I'm the only one who didn't know that. Also when it comes to dates, turns out it's not just like any other dance.

Apparently, a prom date is actually a thing people have. I thought all the hype around dates was like a teen movie thing, not a real life thing. I mean I haven't seen any promposals but I've heard of lots of people with dates. My question is whether or not I should feel bad about not having a date. I never planned on having a date, being single I wouldn't want to just go with some random guy just so I have a date but I also feel kinda ashamed of not having a date. I know it doesn't matter and my original plan was to hang out with friends and that's what's going to happen but I can't help but worry this dance will be just like the last one I went to. During the last dance, I brought my best friend with me and my other friends left us alone and pretty much ignored me the whole night or at least that's how it felt. This time my best friend won't be there since she goes to a different school but I still worry that I will feel out of place or ignored with my friends. That's kinda why having a date would be nice so that I would have someone there who would pay attention to me and not leave me alone. From my experience bringing a date to a dance is pretty boring but I have a feeling having a date to prom is a lot more exciting.

The bottom line is I don't have a date to prom. Do I need a date to prom? No. Do I want a date to prom? Sort of. However, I will say if you are in the same situation as me, try not to worry because worrying isn't really solving anything. I'm sure everything will be okay and it'll be lots of fun hanging out with friends. My prom is less than a week away so you can imagine how I feel.

I Can't Talk Properly

Lately, I haven't been talking that much and it seems to be every time I do talk my words come out weird. I either talk too fast or I slur my words together or I talk in a strange pitch. If I talk often the words come naturally but it seems to be whenever I talk after not talking for a while everything gets all messed up. It's annoying because I want to talk more but when I talk strangely it makes me feel unconfident and I get quiet again.

Also sort of on the subject of talking I saw my best friend recently after we had been unable to meet up for a couple of weeks. It made me realize how different my relationship is with her than with my other friends. Maybe it's because we've known each other for so long and there's literally nothing we don't know about each other but it's so easy to hang out with her. With her, I can make stupid jokes or act completely idiotic. It made me realize that she's probably the only friend who I act like myself around. That is kinda sad but also good that I have a person like her in my life. With other people,  I would constantly be worried about saying the wrong thing but with her, I know it's not a problem. I'm still forever thankful that she's a part of my life because if she wasn't around I think I would go crazy. Even if I don't talk well or I don't always make sense, I still need to be able to talk. I'm not upset with my other friends for not knowing this, it's just a little annoying that I'm unable to act like myself or say what I want to say around them.

So Not Into That

Today as I was driving away from the grocery store I noticed a couple walking together. I know that's not weird, there are couples everywhere but I noticed that with this couple instead of the boyfriend putting his arm around his girlfriend's waist or you know holding her hand, he was grabbing her butt as they walked around. I get that some people like that kind of thing but I know if a guy ever tried to pull that with me I would probably snap off his wrist. I'm so not into that sort of thing and I think it's kinda disrespectful. I would want my boyfriend to think highly enough of me to know that isn't even an option, he can put his hand in an appropriate place or he can walk alone. You wouldn't grab a girl's boobs in public so why would it be okay to grab her butt? I really don't understand some people. It's kinda like the people who aggressively make out in public, I mean can't you wait till you get home or something? I don't know I just found it really weird that's all.

The Importance of the Right Job

I think there is a huge mistake adults make when talking to teenagers about working. You are warned that your first job isn't going to be that great and that work is not fun. This is sound advice. However, a lot of adults don't warn teenagers enough that not everyone is ready to work once they hit sixteen. I know I wasn't but with everyone around me getting jobs and me wanting some extra money, I thought I was. This lead to the single worst experience of my life but one I learned a lot about. Here's what I learned about working from my first job.

1.Work is hard. I knew work was hard when I first starting looking for a job but I didn't quite realize what I was getting into. I didn't work often or for long hours but the work I did wasn't easy. I spent most of the time washing dishes or lifting heavy boxes. It was boring and I didn't enjoy it at all.

2. You have to find a job that fits you. The number one thing I learned from my first job was that I was not cut out to work with food. It seems to be that most people work with food at some point in their lives but I'm just the type of person who is awful with food. It made me worry a lot that I was going to mess up and accidentally poison someone or something. I found the job very stressful and I was quite unhappy with the work I did. I wish I would have started with something that fit me better instead of the first job I was able to get.

3. Co-workers are hit or miss. Some of your co-workers will be amazing, they will be nice and friendly and understanding when you screw up. Trust me there will be a lot of screw ups so it really makes the difference when your co-workers are understanding. Most likely your boss will be the scariest person you will meet mainly because they have the power to fire you at any point. However, there is always the chance of having a co-worker that you don't get along with at all and makes you dread going to work. I'm sorry but it's likely you'll get at least one co-worker like this at some point in your life. I'm also sorry that I have no advice on how to deal with this.

4. Some things just aren't worth the money. Sure you are getting paid but there is only so much you have to put yourself through for money. Honestly, my first job experience tore me down so much that I'm only able to comfortably talk about it now, two years later. It was a job I had for two weeks and it took me two years to recover. I got a job hoping to build my confidence but I found myself in a place that made me feel very anxious. I didn't know what to do and I felt like a complete screw-up. I had some great co-workers but I had one that made me feel so awful about myself that I went home crying after work. It was a job that didn't suit me at all and I knew that but I wanted to prove to myself that I could be a good employee. Well, things didn't go great and one day at work I made mistake after mistake until finally, I made such a big mistake that I was told to go home early. I never returned after that, however it wasn't really my choice. To be honest I was happy to be fired because that meant I didn't have to subject myself to something that made me so unhappy. The moral of this story is that no matter how much you are getting paid, it's not worth it if it makes you miserable. Find something you like you do instead of suffering with something you hate.

The reason why I'm writing this now is partly a warning but also because there is finally a happy side to this story. Currently, I'm doing volunteer work dealing with retail related tasks such as sorting clothes and tagging items. It's something I really enjoy doing and I feel that I'm good at. At first, my hands were shaky and I felt unconfident but the more I do it the better I'm feeling. It's quite similar to a job in retail except I don't deal with customers and I don't get paid. I feel like this is the sort of thing I should have started with to build myself up for a real job. I really like what I do there and the people who are there are all really nice and understanding of me even though I ask a lot of questions and I'm quite shy. Having this experience has really healed me from my first job experience and the workplace is no longer something I fear. So although it isn't a job where I get paid, it's a job that I really enjoy and I think that the most important part. Of course, there are people in circumstances where you need the money no matter what but if you don't really have a need for money right now go with a volunteer job first because I think it's a great transition into a paying job. Also even if you have a bad experience don't let it haunt you for too long, not every job sucks and not every experience will be like that one.

The Future Is Becoming Real

There are about two months of school left and it is finally starting to hit me that I'm graduating. I have mixed feelings about graduation like a lot of other graduates. I'm excited for my upcoming grad events which are only a month away however at the same time I'm nervous about leaving high school which I've become so comfortable with.

It hadn't really hit me that I'm going to university in the fall until I got mailed my acceptance package today. Nowadays a lot of the university stuff is done online and I've been doing all the stuff I've needed to do but it didn't really feel real to me. Now I have this physical acceptance that I can hold in my hands that just makes everything feel real. I'm sort of terrified to be going into university especially since none of my friends are going to the same school. It's going to be hard for me at the very beginning to know absolutely no one but I'm sure it'll turn out alright.

I can't say I'll miss high school though. Graduation literally can not come soon enough. Especially since I have my beautiful grad dress hanging up in my closet which I can't wear for another month. I wanna go to prom and hang out with my friends and just have a lot of fun in these last few months. I've been working hard to become responsible and do all the things I have to do before I graduate. I honestly feel like I haven't had any fun all year. But you gotta do what you gotta do. I can put up with a year of hard work if it means I'm one step closer to my dreams.