My main life goal in this past few years have been to embrace myself and stop listening to that little voice in my head. But it seems no matter how hard I try or how happy I am in life, there's always this negative voice in the back of my head. For example, there is a class I'm not doing well in this year which is something weird for me and I want to do better but that voice is always telling me that I can't do any better and that I should just stop trying. I could have dropped that class at the beginning of the year but I've tried to push past the voice that telling me I can't. The way it's going now, I will most likely pass that course.
However, when it comes to social things I'm still unable to push past that voice. I'm always worrying that people don't notice me or don't like having me around or that they think I'm really weird. It's even worse when it comes to guys I like because even if I get to the point where I'm able to talk to them that voice in my head is always telling me, "there's no way he'd like you" or, "he's just being nice, he doesn't actually like you." It sucks because even when I really really like someone and I build myself up thinking that I totally have a chance with them, that voice will just barge in and be like "haha yeah right you're just kidding yourself he'd never go for you."
I hate that voice so much. It makes me feel awful about myself. I feel like it's a very normal thing to have but it's like this voice is holding back all my favourite parts about myself and causing me to only show my bad, awkward parts. This, of course, doesn't help with me thinking people don't like me because I'm hiding the parts of me that would actually attract people I would get along with. But as much as I'm unhappy with that part of me, I'm still a lot happier with myself and my life than I have been in past years.
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