I grew up with the belief of having a soul mate, "the one". Where I got this idea? Probably movies and TV shows. In my real life I never really saw it. I was dead set on this idea of having one true love, believing every crush I had was the love of my life.
It wasn't until I finally experienced a real relationship that my viewpoint drastically changed. Suddenly having one person for the rest of my life became my greatest fear. The thought that I would never experience being with another person scared me more than I ever thought it would. It was even scarier when I realized the person I was with was familiar with the idea I had in my head for so long. I'm almost positive he was thinking the same thing I was but I don't think he feared it as much as I did.
After that relationship, I completely gave up on "the one" believing that it was impossible and that eventually everyone settles for good enough. It wasn't the person that made me change my mind but just being in a committed relationship. I couldn't handle feeling so trapped. Being single for a while has given me time to think about my fear and realize that it isn't as scary as I thought it was.
I have been with my mom and brother my entire life and never once has that fact scared me, I'm scared more of a day I will be without them. The same goes for my best friend whom I've known for eight years and have been best friends with for five years. Despite ups and downs with my best friend, I would never wish for a different best friend or more best friends. One person I can really connect with and be myself around is all I need. I think that's how it should be with my romantic relationships as well. Mindless dating is worth nothing compared to finding someone you truly love.
Back when I became scared of true love, I was overvaluing the horrid dating world composed of mostly of assholes and undervaluing the comfort and warmth that comes with love. Love was a thing to be feared, a forbidden word. But in reality, it doesn't need to be that serious. Obviously, you shouldn't say it to someone you've been with for a week but you never know, sometimes you connect so much with a person right away that it feels like you've been together forever. Sometimes love comes and goes and that's okay. But what I really want now is love, real love that lasts. And if I find that with the next person I'm with and I only date 2 people in my whole life, I'll be completely happy with it. Even if it takes me 20 relationships to find that, I'll be fine as long as I find it one day. Because in the end finding someone you love and can be 100% yourself around is worth more than anything else in the world.
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