One Handed Struggles

I recently went over to my boyfriend's place for a little date night. We planned to have a chill evening cooking together and watching movies. Things started off really well. We went down to the store to buy some food for dinner then made a strawberry daiquiri each (with very little alcohol in it) before cooking. After making dinner we sat down and watched some tv together. It was when we were doing dishes that thing took a bad turn. He was washing and I was drying. After a couple of dishes, I noticed the blade from the blender and thought to myself that I needed to be careful. I dried it carefully or so I thought until I felt the blade slice my thumb. I dropped it and turned to my boyfriend uttering a pathetic, "Help me." I knew blood was gushing out of my finger and I was trying to stay calm while internally worrying it was a deep cut and that I needed to go to the hospital. After a bit of a panic to find the first aid bag while I held onto my finger so tight my opposite hand went numb, he was able to clean me up and cover the wound.

Now I have a cut right below the top joint of my right thumb. It's not a deep cut thankfully but significant enough that clots formed to seal it up. Since the placement is bad I can't move my thumb which means I can't grip anything with my right hand which makes it basically useless. Being one handed is really annoying, more so since I can only use my nondominant hand. There is a bunch of stuff I can't do now like putting in contacts, putting on makeup, anything to do with my hair, cooking anything that needs prep, and most embarrassing of all, putting on my bra. I've been skipping most of those things but the bra thing is kinda necessary so I need to employ help to do it up. Overall I just feel extremely pathetic.

Wisdom Teeth Surgery: Complete Coverage Up To One Week After

Before surgery: I was extremely nervous about pretty much everything. My body was shaking like crazy while I was waiting. The nurses must have thought it was because I was cold, not anxious, so they kept covering me in blankets. In particular, I was nervous about the IV but it was fine. I'd probably say a shot is worse than an IV for comparison. I have no idea when I was knocked out, all I remember is them saying they were putting some sort of medicine in the IV and after that, I have no memory.

After surgery: When I woke up the nurses were moving me to the recovery room. I didn't really say anything but I laughed a lot. They needed two nurses to move me as I didn't have much of a sense of balance. I felt like I waited for my mom to pick me up for a long time. I didn't really do much in that time but I kept looking at my heart monitor, probably out of curiosity. When my mom came she helped me walk out of the car. When we were in the elevator I was still kinda weird and I kept laughing. There was a cute guy in the elevator who probably thought I was acting really funny all drugged up since he kept smiling at me. After that, we went home.

1st day: To my surprise, I felt perfectly fine except for a little bit of cheek soreness. I had a great appetite and the strong medicine didn't even knock me out. I always took my medicine at the correct time and didn't feel any pain. I basically spent the whole day lying in bed, watching movies, and icing my face. I took my medicine right before I went to sleep and I slept great. Using a scale of 1-10 on how bad the day was with 1 being great and 10 being unbearable, I'd say it was a 2/10.

2nd day: My cheeks were still a little bit sore but more swollen than anything. I continued eating well but found myself to be more sleepy this day. I could feel stuff on each side of my cheeks which I assumed were the blood clots or just a side effect from the swelling so I left them alone. I also had to start rinsing my mouth with salt water which I did very gently. The first time I did the rinse I did it standing up in the bathroom but I got really dizzy so the next time I did it in bed into a bowl which worked way better. I continued with the same dose of pain medicine as the first day. The rating of my day was 4/10.

3rd day: I threw up the night before, most likely because of the medicine so I stopped taking it. The pain was basically gone anyway. My cheeks were still swollen and it was harder this day because my body didn't seem to want any food. My mouth wouldn't open very wide. The left side of my face was more swollen and had pain whereas the right side was only a little swollen and had no pain. I also had a lot of saliva and swallowing was a bit tough because of that. I continued with the rinses. The rating of my day was a 5/10.

4th day: The pain is gone! There is still slight discomfort and chewing still isn't possible but generally, it's just swollen cheeks that are the problem. I woke up super hungry but I'm completely sick of potatoes, applesauce, ice cream, and pudding. I'm starting to add more interesting foods in my diet such as canned oranges, kraft dinner, and cupcakes which is good since I'm getting more food into my body again. The annoying thing is it takes me a long time to eat since I can only somewhat chew with my front teeth. I've also been trying to walk around the house a little bit, my head is kinda loopy when I do but I don't feel faint so that's good. The salt water rinses are still annoying and gross but I do them. The rating of my day was a 3/10.

5th day: I'm almost a normal human again! I'm able to walk around just fine, no dizziness and no loopy head. The swelling is reduced, still there but less than it was yesterday. I noticed today I have a bruise on my face and one where I had my IV in but that's normal so I'm not worried. Since it's been a while now I think I'm free from the risk of dry sockets but I'm still being careful so I don't get an infection. The only issues I have now, besides the swollen cheeks, are that my mouth still doesn't open very wide and I'm a ridiculously slow eater. It took me almost two hours to eat a burger today, one the size of a burger in a McDonald's happy meal. However, since I can eat more foods now I'm happy, even if it takes me hours to consume them. I know this is gross but I also took my first shower since having the surgery. The rating of my day was a 2/10.

6th day: I'm basically the same as I was yesterday just slightly better. Nothing really changed. I should probably mention I'm not yet at the point where I will go anywhere near my incisions. I only eat with my front teeth and I haven't been brave enough to brush my molars at all. I'm planning to wait at least a week until I try getting near them. Also, I noticed today that when I was doing my salt water rinsing a piece of the stitches came out. I've been feeling loose stitches on the top right wound so I'm hoping it was that one that came out, I have dissolvable stitches so it's normal for them to start coming out now.

7th day: I hardly look swollen at all today. I still have bruising but I don't mind it. Basically, everything is normal now except I still have to watch my diet. My jaw has loosened up a bit so I'm able to eat faster now. Sadly I won't be able to have the things I love such as dragon fruit, popcorn, or cucumber rolls for a long time because they could get stuck in my sockets.

So that's the end of my wisdom teeth journey. I got all four teeth out at nineteen years old when the teeth roots weren't fully grown yet and before they broke through the gums. I think part of the reason it went so well is I got it done at the easiest possible time. Although it's scary when you hear you need surgery, it's best to just get it done before problems occur. Overall as long as you are careful and you take it easy, recovery won't be too bad.

Wisdom Teeth Surgery Fears

In a couple of days, I will be getting all four of my wisdom teeth surgically removed. As of now, only one tooth has started to poke through the gums while the other three are still underneath. I have no pain but on recent x-rays, it showed that my teeth will impact as they come in so they need to go.

I'm currently nineteen years old and besides from when I was born, I've never been in the hospital. I also don't really take medication since I can't swallow pills. Although I'm grateful I've lived such a healthy life so far, I'm even more scared since this is my first medical procedure.

It's not so much that I'm scared of them doing the surgery on me but I'm more scared about the before and after. Weirdly enough I'm terrified of the IV. I don't have a fear of needles and I'm completely fine getting shots but I've never had blood drawn (to my memory) so I'm really worried they'll have problems getting the IV in me. Other than that I'm scared I won't be able to deal with the recovery process very well since I can't swallow pills so pain medication will be tough.

The only thing keeping me calm is knowing that after a week or two of recovery it will be all over and I'll never have to do it again. Although I'm scared, I'm going to have to do it at one point or another so I may as well do it now since recovery is easier when you are younger. I'll try to be brave so wish me good luck.

Lesson Learnt: Allergic Reaction

Frequently I will use sheet masks for my skin. Usually, the ones I use are either from forever 21 or a local pharmacy. Despite the fact that I use cheap ones, I've never had a problem before. Today I tried a new mask that I bought at Walmart and the results weren't so nice. In case you are curious, it's the freeman feeling beautiful mask for dry skin. I wouldn't recommend it though, especially if you have sensitive skin.

Near the end of the time I had the mask on, my face began to feel hot but I didn't realize anything was wrong until after I took off the mask and my face completely burnt up. When it didn't go away after a few moments I looked in the mirror and it looked as thought I had a sunburn. Currently, my face is hot to touch and red. It's only been a couple of minutes so I'm not too worried, I'm sure the allergic reaction will go away.

What I have learned from this experience is to be more careful with the products I use. I'm well aware of my sensitive, dry skin but I haven't had any issues with it in a long time. Today came as a warning to me that I still need to be careful about the products I use.

In case you get worried about my allergic reaction, I'm handling it fine. If it gets worse or doesn't go away I will go see the doctor.

Here's a lobster because I currently look like one

Stupid Body Insecurities

When I was younger I praised myself on the fact that I never put down my body. While other people were complaining about the stupidest little imperfections, I promised myself I never would. I'm sad to say that I broke that promise.

I'm not sure when the first time I did it was, but I started to put down my body. I started to spend more time in front of the mirror than I ever had before inspecting my body to see if my stomach was flat yet or if my thighs looked smaller. After realizing I had started to gain weight those insecurities got worse. It was then that I decided that I needed to start working out and being more careful about what I ate since I ate quite a bit of junk food. I'm back to a weight I'm happy with but I'm still not completely happy with my body.

Have you ever done worn something that slightly shows off your insecurity then spent the whole day trying to hid it? I have. I wore a shirt that was tight on me so my stomach stuck out a bit. I spent the whole day trying to suck in my stomach and hide it. I'm pretty sure no one would have noticed my stomach stuck out a bit if I was more confident in myself but I'm sure I looked weird trying to hide it all day.

Let's face it. No one else notices these body "imperfections" except you. In your mind, you probably think everyone is thinking about it when they look at you but they aren't. I had the right idea when I was younger because there is never any reason to put down your body. Unless you work out all the time and follow a really healthy diet, you probably won't ever have a "perfect" body but that's okay. Even people with those "perfect" bodies still have insecurities about themselves. Although there is nothing wrong with working out or dieting, just remember that you won't magically become happy because you lose weight. You only become happy with your body when you accept it as it is and stop letting those stupid little things make you feel like your body isn't good.

Getting Over Lab Anxiety

I'm not sure lab anxiety is a real thing but that's what I'll call it. Basically a couple of months ago when I started university and experienced labs for the first time, I freaked out. My biology lab was fine because it was basically just looking at stuff and microscope work. Physics was the middle range and chemistry was the one that really stressed me out.

For biology and physics labs the work was done in partners so if I ever felt like I didn't know what was going on I could just ask my partner. In chemistry there were no partners, you were completely on your own. This was a big thing that scared me. There was also the fact that I had never been in a chemistry lab and did very few chemistry experiments in high school.

Even now I still have anxiety about my chemistry labs but it wasn't like it was at the beginning. After my first lab I got really anxious and the night before the second lab I was feeling really ill and tried desperately to figure out a way to miss it (since you can't skip labs without a doctor's note). I wasn't physically sick, it was just the anxiety that was making me feel like that. I ended up skipping my other classes that day but I made myself go to the lab. I did the experiment just fine but I was still shaky and didn't know my way around the lab. I had another freak out writing my lab report for the first time since my calculations wouldn't make sense. It took me around six hours to write my first report.

I think the only thing that helped me get over my lab anxiety was just going to the labs and getting used to the whole process. At the beginning of the lab, I still spend the first ten minutes or so looking around in confusion despite the fact that I read over the lab at least six times. However, I'm able to think about the labs without getting sick and I can sleep well the night before a lab so I think I've improved quite a bit. The only way I've ever been able to deal with my anxiety was to just do the thing that made me anxious, although it's hard, once I get used to a situation my anxiety calms down.

Funny thing is that I like my chemistry lab the best now. It's really hands on and I think I learn a lot by having to do everything on my own. It's easy to tell what you are getting marked for and there's no final lab exam, unlike biology.

My New Beginning

Today marks the first day of my new life. No longer am I a high school student, now I'm a university student. For the first time ever I'm completely responsible for myself. I may still live at home but I plan on doing as many things on my own as possible.

At first, it's going to be lonely. I'll feel overwhelmed and maybe I'll even regret my choices a little bit. The transition will be hard and I know that. However, it's just the beginning and I know I'll adjust. Soon university won't be so scary, I'll just be a place I go every day, just another school. Although I've spent the last few weeks being stressed out and nervous now I'm ready to let myself feel excited. I can't believe I'm lucky enough to go to university. It still shocks me that I'm old enough as well. I just feel like I'm starting to understand myself and now I'm doing this big adult thing. As much as I'm scared I'm also really happy to be able to do this.

Lesson In Being Healthy

Since I'm trying to be a healthier person I've gotten into a habit of checking the nutritional information and ingredients for the things I eat. I've recently learnt an important lesson regarding that. It seems to be that sometimes companies try to trick you into thinking something is healthier than it really is by messing with the serving size. 

I have a weird love for instant ramen. I know it's horrible for me but it's really comforting to eat after getting home on a cold day. Because I'm trying to be healthy I tried to find the healthiest brand of instant ramen I could so I would feel less bad about eating it. I noticed that my favourite brand was quite high in fat and sodium so I switched to a different brand with a lower fat and sodium content. However after comparing the packages carefully, I noticed the trick. The new brand I was eating had a serving size of half a package whereas my favourite brand had a serving size of one whole package. So if I doubled the information for the new brand it was actually a lot worse for me than my favourite brand. I was both happy and upset by this. The new brand didn't taste as good so I was happy to be able to go back to my favourite brand but I was also upset by how the company had tricked me. I thought I was eating something that was better for me but it turned out to be worse for me. It's things like that which make me really upset because I hate it when people are manipulated for profit.

Either way I learnt the lesson that not everything is what it seems to be. If you want to read the nutritional information on packages, read it carefully or else you might make the same mistake I did.

Trying To Get Fit

I'm a person with a lot of unhealthy habits. I sleep at weird times, I snack way too much, I stay in bed for a long time, I get winded walking up a bunch of stairs, and I don't exercise at all. I was quite set in my habits because I never noticed any change in myself. However, when my weight gain became noticeable I began to feel a lot less confident in my clothes. I decided it was time to try and change my bad habits in order to get a body I was more happy with. I'm not saying that I think I'm fat and that people need to be super skinny in order to look good because I don't believe that at all. I just want to be more fit and happy with myself.

Currently, I've been trying to change my ways for a couple of months now but being a lazy person I could never really stick to anything. Now that it's summer all I have is free time so I've decided to get serious and actually make a change. I'm on an easy going diet which is basically just me trying to eat better but not being upset when don't. I've never believed in super strict diets because I feel like controlling yourself too much just makes you feel unhappy. Instead, I'm just trying to consider whether my body can make good use of something before I eat it in order to move away from foods that do me no good.

It hasn't been that long since I started trying to get fit so I don't really see any results but I don't get winded going up stairs anymore so at least I'm not terribly out of shape. For the first time in my life, I can actually do a proper pushup which is pretty cool. I can't do very many but at least I can do a push up now, I always used to fake it in gym class. I'm hoping that by the end of the summer I will have made some progress so that I can feel happier in my body.

I'm Sick

I woke up Friday morning feeling sick. I had no previous feelings of sickness before Friday and I don't remember being around anyone who was sick so it was strange. Progressively through the weekend, I got sick and sicker. At first, it was just a mildly annoying cold which turned into the cold from hell.

It began as a sort of sore throat which over the course of two days turned into a sore throat, cough, runny nose, stuffed nose, headache, and a fever. I generally have a pretty good immune system and when I do get sick it's usually just a sore throat. I think the last time I was sick like this was when I was six years old. I'm feeling okay right now even though I feel more like a big ball of mucus than I do a human. Although I tend to feel the worst in the mornings and at night so it's probably just going to get worse than this. Yea for being sick!

*chibird always cheers me up :)

Getting My Health On Track

I've always been quite a healthy person despite my somewhat poor nutrition. Generally, I don't get sick very often and I'm able to endure things that most people's bodies can't handle. Most days I don't eat until noon, sometimes 3 pm depending on if I have lunch that day or not. I go to sleep late every night. However, these bad habits never used to affect my health until recently.

I blame it on growing older but my body just can't handle what it used to handle. My stamina is at an all time low from not exercising. I get out of breath from a couple of flights of stairs. I can no longer handle not eating, I have to eat breakfast and lunch or else I feel faint and sick. I just want to point out I never skipped meals for dieting reasons but it's just that I'm always running late in the morning or have club activities at lunch so I skip meals to save time. I think it's a good thing my body can't handle it anymore because it's a very unhealthy thing to do. Overall I eat a lot of snack foods and my health is deteriorating because of my poor nutrition.

I've started to do some research on healthy foods and how to make my diet more healthy and nutritious. I always blame school on me not being able to get myself on track but I don't want to do that this time. Homework or not, it's important that I get my health under control before something bad happens. I think a lot of young people have the same kind of idea as me that if you're young you don't really need to worry about your health but I think it's a naive way of thinking. You can get away with more when you are younger but you aren't immune to health issues, if you have bad health it's going to affect you. To me, my health is important and I'm going to treat exercising and healthy eating as a priority because they are priorities. I hope this time I can actually stick to my word instead of falling back into bad habits.

I Can't Wait To Change My Image

Besides from a few periods in my life I've always looked the same. There were times when I dyed my hair blonde and once when I had blue streaks in my hair but besides from that, I've always looked normal. I've been dreaming a lot lately about how I'm going to change my image for university. My plan is to go for a cool yet smart look. I'll be losing my glasses, wearing makeup regularly, cutting my hair short, and wearing clothes that represent who I am. My hair is quite long right now and I think cutting it short will cause me to stop hiding behind my hair.  Overall it'll be slightly more mature but I think it will represent me as a person better.

My personality has never changed in my entire life, not that most people's do. I'm not saying I'm going to go crazy or anything but I'm just sick of the mold I've been forced into. Ever since grade three I've been going to school with the same people because of, that I've always been afraid to change things about myself because too many people know me. I feel like I have to maintain the image that I have even though I no longer feel like it fits me. Since becoming a teenager, I've changed a lot in the way I think and act however I never show this to anyone but my friends. To people I don't know I put up a front that tends to drive people away from me because I come off as cold and reclusive. Honestly I don't want people to think of me that way, I want people to know me as a fun kindhearted person but I've never been able to do it. Next year in university I will be separated from most of the people I know, despite going to a local university. For the first time I'll be around people who have no expectations or opinions of me, thus finally getting a new start. I intend to make the most of this and finally change my image, something I've been waiting to do since I was thirteen years old.  

Trying To Get Myself Back On Track

I feel like I learn all my life lessons a lot later than most people. Here I am in my last year of high school and my daily routine is still a wreck. I still haven't learned how to wake up, keep my stuff clean or manage myself at all. When school first started I was doing really well but then things went downhill...

I've been quite bored lately because I've had nothing to do. That's a lie though, I have a lot to do I'm just not doing it. Today I decided I would finally try to get myself back on track after a month of slacking off. I want to finally start doing all the things I've been putting off. I have lots of time so I may as well do it. From this day forward I will be focusing on three main things that I can hopefully keep track of from now on. My three focuses are:

School
(keeping track of homework, doing my online work, preparing for scholarship applications and preparing to apply to university)

Cleanliness
(keeping my room clean, keeping my bathroom clean, doing my laundry and keeping my bed tidy)

Myself
(personal hygiene, happiness, communication with people and relaxation)

*if only I looked this cool, I couldn't find the artist
but it definitely wasn't me because this drawing is incredible

Having A Daily Routine Is....Fun?

I'm notorious for being a person who spends half of my day sleeping and the other half inside on my computer. Because of my bad habits, it's always been hard to form a daily routine and I've always found having one bothersome. However, for these past three days, I've begun to establish a routine that includes events outside of the house since I've been having meetings for a charity event I'm helping out with.

I never realized how nice it is to have a routine. I wake up, lounge around, eat a good meal, get ready, go out into the outer world, come home, have dinner, lounge around some more, and go to bed. It sounds kinda boring but it's way better than before when I only left my room for food. I mean I spent two months basically all alone and now I'm seeing people almost every day. And all of this is happening without school forcing a routine on me. I've also begun a cleaning schedule for myself since I'm trying to be more responsible. I spent Sunday doing laundry and putting away all my clothes and I found it really fun. I'm not sure if this is a high point or a low point in my life... I guess I'm becoming domesticated which honestly isn't a bad thing.

Truth be told I doubt this routine and inspiration to clean will last long but I'm enjoying it while it's here. At least I feel like I'm doing something with my life :)

Getting Out of my Summer Slump

For the past three weeks, I've had the mentality of "I have nothing to do thus there is no point getting out of bed" and living that way started to affect my mental and physical health. Doing nothing made me feel down all the time. I haven't been eating anything of substance, I've been spending half of my day sleeping, I don't get dressed, I spend 23 hours in my bed, and I was only eating dinner because I slept through all the other meals.

Today was the first day that I tried to change all of that. I woke up at 2 pm, which wasn't great, but instead of lying there all day I got out of bed. I made myself a BLT (minus tomato) and a watermelon/kiwi/blackberry smoothie. I got dressed and even put on makeup. I ended up filming a video which I'm still not sure if I like. My mom then got me to go to this market type strip mall sort of thing and we looked in shops, got a snack, and bought some healthy groceries. When home I had a vegetarian pot pie and waffle fries for dinner both of which were amazing. I edited the video then I will admit I lazed around for the rest of the day but I'm proud that I actually acted like a human today. I ate properly, got dressed, and even left the house. I count that as a win.

To anyone out there who is caught in a summer slump I honestly recommend getting up and doing something with your day because you will feel a lot better about yourself and you will feel like the day wasn't completely wasted. It's hard when you get so used to being in bed but just do it. I did it and I survived.

Tips For Surviving a Plane Ride

Maybe you have anxiety or you just don't like planes but here are some of my tips to get through it.

Take offs
 I find this to be one of the scariest parts. The best thing for me is to put on music loud enough that I can't hear the plane sounds, close my eyes, think of the things that make me most happy/calm and just try to pretend I'm not on a plane. I will admit I look like there is something seriously wrong with me when I do this but when you're really freaked out you won't care about how you look as long as you get through it.

During the plane ride
Distractions, distractions, distractions. Make sure you have a movie to watch, music to listen to, or even a book to read if you can handle that.

Feeling Trapped
If you are feeling really stuck in your seat, get up. Go take a walk or go into the bathroom for a little alone time and to stretch out. Although you feel safest in your seat, the walk may help you calm down. If you can't do this, use distractions or change your position to hopefully help it out.

Food
If you can eat normally on a plane ignore this one but for me I can never eat anything while traveling which is awful. I do not recommend eating nothing because if you do get sick, it's intensely painful. Try to eat light things and bring a couple of snacks onto the plane if you can. You will feel better having food you like to eat. If not go for the most plain thing offered. If you really can't eat anything, at least drink water because dehydration feels awful.

Landing
Also known as hell itself. This is the worst part for me. Follow the steps of take offs. Loud music, closed eyes, happy calming thoughts, visualizing yourself somewhere else however add in some deep breathing. Focus everything on your breathing. Put your hand on your chest so you can feel each inhalation and exhalation. If you are really feeling anxious or sick just keep telling yourself "I can do this" or "I can make it through this" or "I will be fine" even if you don't believe it.

Afterwords
If you made it through this trip without getting sick or having a panic attack make sure you congratulate yourself. It was a hard thing for you but you did it and you should be proud of yourself. Even if you are still feeling a bit off, get a little treat for later as a reward.
If something did happen during this trip know that it's okay. You tried your hardest and you just couldn't prevent it and it's okay that it didn't go well. Next time you'll do better. After getting off the plane make sure you sit down for a bit before doing anything else. Don't feel bad about what happened. Next trip you'll do better.

To anyone who is nervous about flying hopefully that helped. These are just my personal tips. You may notice I didn't mention any sort of medication or sleeping pills because I'm unable to swallow pills and I generally don't use any sort of medication to get through my issues, yes it is necessary sometimes and sometimes it would be easier to just take medicine but what can I say I'm stubborn.