What a Current Dream Made Me Realize

I don't know why but I like talking about my dreams. I'm a person who rarely has dreams or should I say I rarely remember them after I wake up so it's interesting to me when I do remember. This recent dream caused me to be wide awake at 8:30 am. I had a nightmare a couple of hours earlier and fell back asleep but couldn't do that after this dream.

I don't remember most of the details but I was with my mom. I don't know how the argument started but we were fighting about me going to university. She was pressuring me into going to college instead of university because it was cheaper and she claimed that I was going to waste away all her money if I went to university. I replied, "What am I supposed to do now? It's too late to change my mind." Then I began crying and added, "If I go to college I'll spend all my time learning one thing, what if I can't find a job? Then I'm screwed. If I go to university I can learn many things and I'll have way more options. I just don't feel like I can be happy if I go to college." Then I woke up from the dream.

This dream came at a weird time in my life because I'm confirmed to be attending university in the fall but I've been worrying lately whether or not I should have chosen college. I guess I've been feeling guilty since my family will be paying for my education and university is a lot more expensive than college. However, I never once thought of myself going to college in all of my life. Even when I wanted to be a dental hygienist I still wanted to study it at a university. I feel sort of selfish thinking this way. I know there is nothing wrong with college but going to university has always been my dream. I always wanted to be well educated and for my family to see me when I'm older and think to themselves how accomplished I became. It was the last thing I said in my dream that really hit me. I've been worrying so much about whether or not I made the wrong choice based on money that I didn't even consider my own happiness. It's true that I can't see myself being happy in college. University is my dream and looking forward to it is my biggest source of happiness right now. Maybe I don't have all the details mapped out yet and I don't know exactly what I'm aiming for at the end but I'm figuring things out.

If I could give advice to adults who know of someone who has just graduated high school, I would tell them to just support whatever that person wants to do instead of stressing them out with a million questions about their future. You didn't have an exact plan when you were eighteen so why would current eighteen-year-olds be any different? We are still trying to work things out, just cut us some slack.

I Dream of....Wedding?

I just woke up frazzled because of the dream I had. First of all, I arrived at this venue with my family in a wedding dress. When it came time for the wedding to start I was pacing around the ceremony area because none of the guests had shown up yet. I began to question if the invitations were send out and my mom assured me that she did that. Then I wanted to call my soon to be husband but then people started flooding in. Because I was the bride I didn't want people to see me before the ceremony so I covered my face with a fan and ran to where I was out of sight. For some reason I ended up in a university hallway and I guess I was getting married in a university. I began to panic that no one was going to come get me for my wedding and that I would miss it. I also worried that my soon to be husband hadn't arrived yet. I tried calling my family members but no one answered then suddenly I realized my dad was right beside me. He calmed me down and we made our way to the wedding.

The dream stopped before I got married but the part of this dream that freaked me out was that I was my current age of eighteen and I was getting married to my ex boyfriend. I looked up the meaning of my dream and it said that dreaming of marrying an ex means that I have accepted aspects of that relationship and learned from those past mistakes. It was reassuring to me that I don't actually want to marry my ex at a young age but that it actually meant I had accepted and moved on from the relationship. Anyway, it was still pretty weird to dream of getting married.

I Woke Up to an Orange Sky

I got up at 10 am and noticed the light coming through my blinds was a different colour than usual. I opened up my window to see that the sky was orange. If it were around the time of a sunset or sunrise this wouldn't have been strange but 10 am is nowhere near either of those events. The sky was very beautiful to look at but it gave an ominous feeling. It turns out there was a forest fire a couple of hours away from me. Summers are usually dry but I've never woken up to something like that in my whole life.

*not my picture but imagine this but a weaker orange colour

Apple Why Don't You Make Proper Chargers?

I've been having a lot of trouble with the charger for my laptop recently. Back when I used to have a pc laptop the only time I ever had a problem with my charger was when my laptop was over five years old and everything was just dying at that point. My currently laptop is less than a year old and my charger is already trash. Firstly unless I had it in the perfect position in my power strip it wouldn't charge my laptop. Secondly sometimes it would just start making sparking sounds which made me fear it was going to electrocute me, actually it did shock me once but it was pretty weak. Lastly part of the charger had become kind of loose and I had to keep pushing it back into place so that it would work. It was because of this last problem that it broke completely today. I tripped on the cord and instead of it just being pulled out of the plug, the charger came apart and the loose part completely fell off. I tried to put it back together but it didn't work. Lucky for me my mom had a charger from her old laptop that I can use but it still annoys me how quickly my charger broke. Tripping on it and breaking it was completely my fault but the other issues just came out of nowhere. I'm so disappointed with the lack of quality, especially from macs which are said to be really good quality.

this is not my picture, I found it on the internet, but this is basically what happened to mine

Insert Swear Word

My best friend and I were planning on going to the lake tomorrow. The original plan was for us to go with this guy friend of hers and for him to bring a friend but it seems the guy's friend can't make it. My best friend then asked if I would be able to invite someone and guess who was the first person that popped into my mind? If you've read any of my past posts you would probably know the answer.

I literally thought of this whole scenario in which I text him and ask him to come despite the fact that we haven't talked in the while but it's such a strange thing to ask someone you're not that close with. Then I imagined that for some weird reason he said yes and we went to the lake together and everything was rainbows and unicorns. I really really hate that I ever had that thought in the first place. I'm a person who claims to be over him yet I go and think things like this. Insert swear word (since I don't actually want to swear here). I hate that I still think of him in times like these.

Currently going to the lake is off. It would be nice if life worked according to my deluded fantasies but if I actually tried to make it happen I know it wouldn't go well. Maybe with a larger time frame to ask him I could but who would say yes to going to the lake when someone asks you at midnight the night before? No one. I'm quite disappointed because I really wanted to go to the lake...

Dear Self - Letter From Two Years Ago

Sept. 5, 2013
Currently I'm starting grade eleven and I think I won't see this for like two years. Right now I'm just really socially awkward and have low self confidence but hopefully that has changed. Hopefully I will become a better driver and learn how to park. I hope I have volunteered at the hospital and figured out whether or not I really want to be a doctor. I hope I have met great friends who actually care about me. Also I hope I'm working on the third book in my series since right now I'm almost done the first, maybe I'll even be published. I'm not quite sure what my future will be but hopefully I'm happier than I am now because life could be better but I have hope for the future.

Two Months Of Freedom

I'm officially done high school. On Thursday I go in to pick up my report card then I'll never have to set foot in that school again, although it won't be possible to go back since the school's being pushed over this summer. I have to praise myself and the rest of my grad class for living through two years of construction. I know the younger grades had to deal with it as well but at least they get to go to our new school, we never even get to see what the inside looks like. I don't really care honestly I'm just glad to be done.

My plans for this summer started off with looking for a summer job but honestly I'm not sure I care about that anymore. It would be nice to get a job but it's been over a week since I did my big applying day and I've heard nothing back. I could go apply more but I'm kinda enjoying just doing nothing... this is why I'm worried about myself in the future. But I have four years of university before I have to set out into the real world so I think I can be stupid and irresponsible for now. I'm sure I'll mature when I need to. I mean I've spent all this time preparing myself for university I need time to prepare myself before I set out for a job and I definitely wont settle like I did last time.

It's kinda strange to have so much free time after spending the past two weeks hardcore studying for my finals. I put more effort into my classes this year than I ever have before so it's even weirder to have worked hard for ten months and to have a break now. I really want to cherish this time and by cherish I mean go to the beach as often as possible and wear summer clothes all the time. Seeing my friends would nice too, well having a boyfriend would also be nice but we can't get everything we want, I'll settle with just seeing friends.

Okay this is random but I just thought of this dream I had a while back which is really freaking me out. It was about university. It was the first day and I walked into class to see that everyone in my high school was there and it was just a repeat of high school. Maybe this wouldn't scare most people but it would be so disappointing to survive four years with people who barely knew you existed then to go to this new place expecting a chance to start over only to have to repeat what you just did and spend another four years with people who don't notice you.

Anyway, I'm happy to have freedom. This post was a lot looser then what I usually write but I'll just label this as ramble again. It seems like everything I write lately is a ramble. Oh maybe I can spend this summer writing my novel idea and that can be my summer job. I probably won't ever publish it but then at least I'll feel like I did something good with my time. Sorry, I meant to end this post, I'm done rambling now.