Insert Swear Word

My best friend and I were planning on going to the lake tomorrow. The original plan was for us to go with this guy friend of hers and for him to bring a friend but it seems the guy's friend can't make it. My best friend then asked if I would be able to invite someone and guess who was the first person that popped into my mind? If you've read any of my past posts you would probably know the answer.

I literally thought of this whole scenario in which I text him and ask him to come despite the fact that we haven't talked in the while but it's such a strange thing to ask someone you're not that close with. Then I imagined that for some weird reason he said yes and we went to the lake together and everything was rainbows and unicorns. I really really hate that I ever had that thought in the first place. I'm a person who claims to be over him yet I go and think things like this. Insert swear word (since I don't actually want to swear here). I hate that I still think of him in times like these.

Currently going to the lake is off. It would be nice if life worked according to my deluded fantasies but if I actually tried to make it happen I know it wouldn't go well. Maybe with a larger time frame to ask him I could but who would say yes to going to the lake when someone asks you at midnight the night before? No one. I'm quite disappointed because I really wanted to go to the lake...