Applying for Jobs is Tiring

I really, really want to get a summer job.

My summer is twice as long now that I'm in university instead of high school. I remember how bored I got after two months, I can't even imagine how bored I'll be after four months. I'm taking two summer classes but even that leaves me with way too much free time. Plus I need money for school, so a job is what I seek.

Maybe it's my introverted nature or the fact that I over stress out about everything, but I'm so drained by the job seeking process. It's getting to the point where I can't sleep at night because I'm constantly looking up jobs online. I also spend way too much time looking up job finding tips, none of which seem to help much.

Today I went to the mall to apply for jobs but I got overwhelmed so I only gave out half as many resumes as I planned. I tried really hard to show that I would be a good worker but I was so awkward that I just came off as weird. I'm almost positive I was unsuccessful today.

I'm planning on switching my focus to downtown since tourist season is fast approaching and I'm probably more likely to get a job there. Ideally, I want to be a sales associate or a waitress but I'll probably take whatever I can get.

Regardless, I'm really tired today. I think it was a combination of lack of sleep, applying for jobs and walking around a lot. I have work to do for my class but I'll probably do it all tomorrow. Right now I just need to recharge.

It's Okay to Treat Yourself

Since I started university I have gone a little crazy about saving money. In the last eight months, I've spent less than sixty dollars on myself, that's including food. The reason I'm able to avoid spending money is that I still live at home so I don't need to worry about rent or meals. Regardless, I'm not sure this is the best way to live my life. I don't want to go and blow all my money but I don't want to continue being so crazy about saving.

Right now I don't have a job so that makes it really tough for me to decide to do something for myself. In my mind, it's clothing vs a textbook, and textbook always wins. I've gotten some help from my family to pay for my schooling but I don't have enough money to cover everything. Textbooks especially are going to drain my wallet. My goal right now is to get a job and work as many hours as possible until I go back to classes, but it can be tough to get a job with no experience.

My saving obsession has gotten to the point where I don't even spend money that is specifically for me to use such as Christmas money, birthday money, or babysitting money. I actually spent my Christmas money on textbooks.

That's why I decided to treat myself to something a little bit expensive. I went to the hairdresser and got a bunch of blonde streaks put in my hair. It was a bit hard for me to justify spending that money on myself but I worked so hard for eight months so I just decided to do it.

At the end of the day, life isn't just about working hard and saving money. What's the point of working hard if you aren't even going to do anything with your money? I'm not saying go out and blow all your savings but just know it's okay to treat yourself once in a while.

Wisdom Teeth Surgery: Complete Coverage Up To One Week After

Before surgery: I was extremely nervous about pretty much everything. My body was shaking like crazy while I was waiting. The nurses must have thought it was because I was cold, not anxious, so they kept covering me in blankets. In particular, I was nervous about the IV but it was fine. I'd probably say a shot is worse than an IV for comparison. I have no idea when I was knocked out, all I remember is them saying they were putting some sort of medicine in the IV and after that, I have no memory.

After surgery: When I woke up the nurses were moving me to the recovery room. I didn't really say anything but I laughed a lot. They needed two nurses to move me as I didn't have much of a sense of balance. I felt like I waited for my mom to pick me up for a long time. I didn't really do much in that time but I kept looking at my heart monitor, probably out of curiosity. When my mom came she helped me walk out of the car. When we were in the elevator I was still kinda weird and I kept laughing. There was a cute guy in the elevator who probably thought I was acting really funny all drugged up since he kept smiling at me. After that, we went home.

1st day: To my surprise, I felt perfectly fine except for a little bit of cheek soreness. I had a great appetite and the strong medicine didn't even knock me out. I always took my medicine at the correct time and didn't feel any pain. I basically spent the whole day lying in bed, watching movies, and icing my face. I took my medicine right before I went to sleep and I slept great. Using a scale of 1-10 on how bad the day was with 1 being great and 10 being unbearable, I'd say it was a 2/10.

2nd day: My cheeks were still a little bit sore but more swollen than anything. I continued eating well but found myself to be more sleepy this day. I could feel stuff on each side of my cheeks which I assumed were the blood clots or just a side effect from the swelling so I left them alone. I also had to start rinsing my mouth with salt water which I did very gently. The first time I did the rinse I did it standing up in the bathroom but I got really dizzy so the next time I did it in bed into a bowl which worked way better. I continued with the same dose of pain medicine as the first day. The rating of my day was 4/10.

3rd day: I threw up the night before, most likely because of the medicine so I stopped taking it. The pain was basically gone anyway. My cheeks were still swollen and it was harder this day because my body didn't seem to want any food. My mouth wouldn't open very wide. The left side of my face was more swollen and had pain whereas the right side was only a little swollen and had no pain. I also had a lot of saliva and swallowing was a bit tough because of that. I continued with the rinses. The rating of my day was a 5/10.

4th day: The pain is gone! There is still slight discomfort and chewing still isn't possible but generally, it's just swollen cheeks that are the problem. I woke up super hungry but I'm completely sick of potatoes, applesauce, ice cream, and pudding. I'm starting to add more interesting foods in my diet such as canned oranges, kraft dinner, and cupcakes which is good since I'm getting more food into my body again. The annoying thing is it takes me a long time to eat since I can only somewhat chew with my front teeth. I've also been trying to walk around the house a little bit, my head is kinda loopy when I do but I don't feel faint so that's good. The salt water rinses are still annoying and gross but I do them. The rating of my day was a 3/10.

5th day: I'm almost a normal human again! I'm able to walk around just fine, no dizziness and no loopy head. The swelling is reduced, still there but less than it was yesterday. I noticed today I have a bruise on my face and one where I had my IV in but that's normal so I'm not worried. Since it's been a while now I think I'm free from the risk of dry sockets but I'm still being careful so I don't get an infection. The only issues I have now, besides the swollen cheeks, are that my mouth still doesn't open very wide and I'm a ridiculously slow eater. It took me almost two hours to eat a burger today, one the size of a burger in a McDonald's happy meal. However, since I can eat more foods now I'm happy, even if it takes me hours to consume them. I know this is gross but I also took my first shower since having the surgery. The rating of my day was a 2/10.

6th day: I'm basically the same as I was yesterday just slightly better. Nothing really changed. I should probably mention I'm not yet at the point where I will go anywhere near my incisions. I only eat with my front teeth and I haven't been brave enough to brush my molars at all. I'm planning to wait at least a week until I try getting near them. Also, I noticed today that when I was doing my salt water rinsing a piece of the stitches came out. I've been feeling loose stitches on the top right wound so I'm hoping it was that one that came out, I have dissolvable stitches so it's normal for them to start coming out now.

7th day: I hardly look swollen at all today. I still have bruising but I don't mind it. Basically, everything is normal now except I still have to watch my diet. My jaw has loosened up a bit so I'm able to eat faster now. Sadly I won't be able to have the things I love such as dragon fruit, popcorn, or cucumber rolls for a long time because they could get stuck in my sockets.

So that's the end of my wisdom teeth journey. I got all four teeth out at nineteen years old when the teeth roots weren't fully grown yet and before they broke through the gums. I think part of the reason it went so well is I got it done at the easiest possible time. Although it's scary when you hear you need surgery, it's best to just get it done before problems occur. Overall as long as you are careful and you take it easy, recovery won't be too bad.

First Year Recap

Classes are over and exams are finished. It seems like a good time for a little recap on how the first year went.

First Semester:
I had no clue what I was doing 90% of the time. Everything was overwhelming and I felt like a complete failure. My grades were the worst they've ever been. I had no idea what I was doing wrong so I didn't know how to fix it. I realized yet again that I'm terrible at making friends; I come on too strong then don't know how to follow up with people. It was basically four months that destroyed my confidence.

Second Semester:
I started with a blank slate, not letting the mistakes from last semester make me lose hope for this one. I found a good study place that was quiet and made me feel guilty if I didn't study while I was there. My focus was staying optimistic. I studied better and my grades got higher. Also, I realized that it was stupid to beat myself up over not doing well on co-requisite courses because they weren't my focus of study. The first four months destroyed my confidence but these four months started to build it back up again.

Overall I'd say my first year didn't go too bad. I think I'm starting to reach the point where I can actually enjoy university which makes me really happy. I ended this year wanting to continue studying so I think that's the main thing. Even though it was tough, I never wanted to quit. I'll see this through until the end and one day I'll thank myself for it.

Wisdom Teeth Surgery Fears

In a couple of days, I will be getting all four of my wisdom teeth surgically removed. As of now, only one tooth has started to poke through the gums while the other three are still underneath. I have no pain but on recent x-rays, it showed that my teeth will impact as they come in so they need to go.

I'm currently nineteen years old and besides from when I was born, I've never been in the hospital. I also don't really take medication since I can't swallow pills. Although I'm grateful I've lived such a healthy life so far, I'm even more scared since this is my first medical procedure.

It's not so much that I'm scared of them doing the surgery on me but I'm more scared about the before and after. Weirdly enough I'm terrified of the IV. I don't have a fear of needles and I'm completely fine getting shots but I've never had blood drawn (to my memory) so I'm really worried they'll have problems getting the IV in me. Other than that I'm scared I won't be able to deal with the recovery process very well since I can't swallow pills so pain medication will be tough.

The only thing keeping me calm is knowing that after a week or two of recovery it will be all over and I'll never have to do it again. Although I'm scared, I'm going to have to do it at one point or another so I may as well do it now since recovery is easier when you are younger. I'll try to be brave so wish me good luck.

Dating: It Never Gets Easier

Back when I was a kid I always thought dating was simple. You like someone, they like you, you date. However, it's hardly ever that easy.

I'll admit I got into my first relationship really easily as we knew each other through our families. Moving from an ambiguous stage to a dating stage happened easily too. Even though everything lined up perfectly, dating was still hard. The first time was a learning experience filled with many, many mistakes.

For some reason, I thought that once you started dating it became really easy to find people to date. After my relationship ended I thought I would find someone new in a matter of months. Because I now had "experience" I thought guys would just start coming up to me and showing interest in me but that didn't happen. I was shocked to realize I was just as awkward as I was before I started dating.

Currently, I'm at an ambiguous stage with a potential second boyfriend and it's giving me a lot of flashbacks to my first relationship. I thought having experience would make things easier this time around but it just makes it harder. Although I should have the upper hand, I'm just as clueless as I was before. I still get so nervous I feel like throwing up, I still have no clue how to make conversation, and I'm still unable to make any sort of move.

I wish it got easier as time goes on but it doesn't. Every relationship is different just like every person is different. Every time you have to adapt to something new so it's hard to have everything go smoothly from the very beginning. No matter how many relationships you've had, your heart will still flutter like it's the first time.

(The picture of bell peppers doesn't have much relevance but it's cute)

False Sense of Confidence: Exams

I had my last day of classes a couple of days ago and today I had my first final which was for chemistry. Despite the fact that I had plenty of time to study, I maybe spent three hours studying over a seven day period. I had notecards prepared already and I circled all the questions I should do in my textbook but I couldn't make myself study. Some may say it's a simple case of procrastination, I say it's a false sense of confidence.

What I mean is I don't study because I feel like I already know the material. In reality, I do not know the material. Thus a false sense of confidence.

Despite this, I felt like I did pretty good on my exam. I was able to solve the majority of the questions with only minimal guessing. I got tired near the end of the exam and I hadn't eaten much that day so my condition wasn't very good. Strangely I don't regret not studying. Even if I had studied, I don't think I would have done much better.

I did feel sort of bad about my habits when I was waiting to go into the exam. People around me were talking about how much they had been studying and how they only got three hours of sleep each night because they were up late studying. Meanwhile, I got around seven hours of sleep every night and had way too much free time. I felt like I was a slacker but I've never been the type to hardcore study. Even when I'm most productive I do maybe five hours of studying a day and I never let it interfere with my sleep. I'm not sure whether my way or their way is best.

Either, way I need to shake this false sense of confidence before my other exams. I'll do good on my math one regardless but I have no clue what's going on in physics so let's hope I actually study for that one.