An Odd Trait Of Mine

Now before stating what exactly my weird trait is, I feel the need to say that I do not have a type A personality nor am I a perfectionist. My weird trait is that I have this overwhelming need to know every single detail about something I'm about to do. For example, if someone tells me to get some eggs at the store I'll be like, "Okay which ones?" and they say something like, "Oh whatever's there." Most people would leave it there but I start asking a ton of questions like, "what size?" "Is there a price I'm sticking to?" "Brown or white?" "omega 3?" "free range?" This gets to a point where I become super annoying to the person and usually they will tell me to just go do it or they will do it themselves.

This trait comes up strongest when I'm nervous. I lose control over my filter when I get nervous because I just say everything that comes to mind. Once on a school field trip, I was put in a group where the activities we were doing were archery, team building, and kayaking. I had never been kayaking before and there was a test you had to do at the beginning where you sat in the kayak, flipped the kayak upside down then escaped underwater. I was extremely nervous about this so I kept bugging my teacher with questions about it, in response she kept trying to comfort me. When it was my turn I did the same thing to the instructor and I kept asking him exactly what I should do and how it was going to go. In the end, I did the test and I freaked out when I was underwater because I got stuck in the kayak. I escaped but was really embarrassed afterward because my classmates had seen me freak out and I had a big bruise on my leg.

Asking a million questions definitely shows a lack of confidence, but the main reason I do it is because I don't want to mess up and I want to do it exactly as the person wishes. This is also why I'm very into researching things because I like to know exactly how certain things happen and what I should expect when going to do certain things. Anytime I'm doing something new I will look it up on the internet so I know what to expect and can prepare myself. It's when an unexpected situation comes up that this trait shows itself.

Getting Out of my Summer Slump

For the past three weeks, I've had the mentality of "I have nothing to do thus there is no point getting out of bed" and living that way started to affect my mental and physical health. Doing nothing made me feel down all the time. I haven't been eating anything of substance, I've been spending half of my day sleeping, I don't get dressed, I spend 23 hours in my bed, and I was only eating dinner because I slept through all the other meals.

Today was the first day that I tried to change all of that. I woke up at 2 pm, which wasn't great, but instead of lying there all day I got out of bed. I made myself a BLT (minus tomato) and a watermelon/kiwi/blackberry smoothie. I got dressed and even put on makeup. I ended up filming a video which I'm still not sure if I like. My mom then got me to go to this market type strip mall sort of thing and we looked in shops, got a snack, and bought some healthy groceries. When home I had a vegetarian pot pie and waffle fries for dinner both of which were amazing. I edited the video then I will admit I lazed around for the rest of the day but I'm proud that I actually acted like a human today. I ate properly, got dressed, and even left the house. I count that as a win.

To anyone out there who is caught in a summer slump I honestly recommend getting up and doing something with your day because you will feel a lot better about yourself and you will feel like the day wasn't completely wasted. It's hard when you get so used to being in bed but just do it. I did it and I survived.

I'm Bad At Talking To Guys

Hmm, haven't made a blog post in a while so I thought why not make one now, the problem is I have no idea in mind. Let's go with my love life because that's always something that I'm constantly worrying about, totally kidding by the way... maybe not.

It's been a while since I've had a boyfriend, which I'm sure you know since I mention it all the time (I'm pathetic) but yeah for a long time I was just in a place where I didn't really see the point of a boyfriend and thus didn't really want one. Now, however, I'm starting to really want one only I'm terrible with guys.

Example 1: I sat next to a guy all year long and even though I liked him, I never said anything to him. Not even a simple hi for an entire year!

Example 2: I was at the bank and there was a cute guy that went in at the same time as me. I kinda felt him check me out but instead of doing anything like I don't know looking at him and smiling instead I just stared at the wall and tried my hardest not to look at him. *facepalm*

Example 3: I was at the grocery store and there was this really cute guy working there. When I bought my snacks we talked a little bit and kinda flirted. It was the opportunity I'd waited for. However, instead of you know asking for his name or his number, I said goodbye and left.

Now, what do you get from these three very different interactions? I'm incredibly awkward. Not only do I refuse to make the first move but I also do things to prevent him from making a move ie. avoiding eye contact. My best friend tells me all the time that I need to be more assertive and make the first move but I'm just too scared. I used to think after having a boyfriend I would be great with guys...nope. I think I'm just doomed to single awkwardness.

My Bedroom is a Sauna!!!

Earlier this night I began to have a headache and I thought it was because I spent all day on my computer, which still could be part of it however that's not the main reason. Now my room has always been a lot hotter than all the other rooms in my house. It's on the top floor and doesn't have a screen in the window so I can't leave it open because all the bugs get in. I've been able to stand it until tonight. Honestly, my room is probably 15 degrees hotter than any other room in the house and it's probably at about 30 degrees right now, in Celsius. I've done a lot already but I just can't cool it down. I have the fan on, the window open (it's so hot I don't care about bugs), only a sheet on my bed, as cool of clothes as possible, a big glass of ice water, and a cold wet cloth for my head but none of it has made any difference. I don't even live in a hot place, it's quite temperate where I live. Currently, the time is 3 am and because of the heat, I'm wide awake. I doubt I'll be sleeping tonight and if I do it won't be in my room.

You may question the point of this post, to put it simply there isn't one.

Not Getting Along With Your Parents As a Teen

Now I think it's completely normal to fight with your parents when you're a teenager. I think any teenagers who do get along with their parents are not to be trusted... I'm kidding but it seems to be very rare. Honestly, I know that sometimes I act really mean and I just can't stop myself. My teenage hormones make me get worked up and emotional about everything that I tend to take them out on my mom, is it fair to her? No. I honestly can't stop myself from doing it though. I've never once said I hated her or anything extreme like that but I know how to push her buttons. This is something I think is completely normal and although I wish I wasn't this way, I know I'm not fully mature yet and I don't know how to deal with certain things. My mom and I do a lot together which of course makes me very annoyed to be around her for long periods of time. Whenever I tell my best friend my mom and I had a fight, she laughs because she knows it's only about the stupidest things. I think this is just something that all teens and all parents of teens have to deal with. It's just a way that teenagers rebel and try to escape and grow apart from their parents. I think that when I move out and I'm more mature then my mom and I will probably stop fighting but since I still have such uncontrollable hormones we will continue to fight for the time being.

I Miss My Friends!!!

The struggle I have with the summer is that I'm too lazy to contact anyone. I always tell myself I will text that friend tomorrow and I just keep putting it off and putting it off until BAM summer is over and I did not see anyone. Right now I will admit that I am lonely and I want to see my friends again but I still have not contacted anyone. My best friend is the only person I have hung out with since school ended and now that she is gone for a few weeks I am incredibly lonely.

                                     

Sadly I am Patrick...

Anyway, now a little hint about my personality is that no matter how much I want to see someone or talk to them I will always put it off because I always worry they do not want to talk to me or see me so I wait for them to come to me. Not a good trait to have but I am trying to overcome it. Now to be honest I probably have about four friends in my life so I have been trying to make new friends lately but now that school has ended I am stuck and I will have to start all over again next year depending on who is in my classes. When I say I have four friends those are ones I would hang out with outside of school, I have quite a few school friends (meaning you talk to them at school but nothing else) so I although I miss some of them it's not quite the same thing since I know I don't really mean anything to them. Wow, this is getting depressing. Let's end this on a positive note, I will hang out with two friends who aren't my best friend before summer ends. And I will be more sociable and less of a nobody at next year at school.

At least I will try. I cannot promise a huge life change.

Old Diaries

Before having a blog I used to put all my feelings in diaries. I have one from elementary school, one from middle school, and one from high school. Technically I have four as I also have a failed summer one. For the majority of the book, they are the most hilarious things ever. Especially my elementary one where I spell almost all the words wrong. However even in my later ones there are a lot of spelling mistakes which is just as funny.

I wrote my first one like I was talking to my diary and I would say hello and goodbye and everything which was adorable. The entries were usually a quick recap of my day. My middle school one was more about my feelings about things that were happening to me and my love of twilight *cringe*. However my high school one is obviously the worst to read since I describe things a little bit too well and it makes me remember things I don't want to. I also get kinda deep sometimes and go on about the meaning of things.

However as I was reading through these today I couldn't stop laughing. Especially since I used to go back and write little notes talking to my past self for example I said once that I was going to ask a boy out and there was a little note beside it saying "I didn't do it." I also found it really funny to read it out loud in an obnoxious valley girl voice which made everything sound very teenage girl dramatic and hilarious. There's this one entry in my high school one that was extremely hypocritical where I go off on this rant about something my ex boyfriend did and how pissed off I was at him and I couldn't stop myself from laughing.

I think it's good to look back on things with a lighthearted view. If I had been serious when I read the diaries I probably would have made myself sad but since I took it as a joke, everything was funny. There's the lesson of the day, don't take things too seriously.

My Perfect Summer Date

I don't know why I'm suddenly thinking about this but here it is, my perfect summer date that's a little bit messy and a little bit saucy.

First of all, I invite him over to my house and tell him to wear some clothes he doesn't really like. I say nothing more leaving him confused. When he arrives I surprise him with ice cream and we sit on the deck eating it together. He makes fun of me for getting it all over my face and I smash my ice cream cone into his face. After we settled down I tell him it's time for the competition and lead him to the trampoline. We get on and he asks what we are doing. I surprise him by running at him and knocking him down by ramming myself into his legs. That's when we know we are going to wrestle. We have a lot of fun laughing while knocking each other down on the trampoline. After that our clothes are kind of black since that's what my trampoline does to clothes. Since our clothes are already wrecked I suggest a game of twister with a twist. We put washable paint down and have a very messy and fun game of twister together which results in a paint fight. Now we are very messy so I grab the hose and starts spraying him. He dumps the watering can on my head and we battle it out in a water fight. After the fight, I grab us some towels and we sit down at the patio table together and just talk and laugh. By now the sun's setting and he has to leave soon but before he does we sit on the swing together cuddling while making out a bit. That ends our perfect date.

Maybe this tells you a lot about me and the type of guy I want but that's just the fantasy I have in my head. I really want someone who will mess around with me like a best friend but who will also cuddle me and kiss me like a boyfriend would. I don't think that's too much to ask for.