Are They The Right One For Me?

Do you ever feel like a relationship feels completely different when it has ended compared to when it was happening? It seems like sometimes you get so caught up in the happy, someone actually likes me feelings that you don't really consider how well they suit you.

Case and point is I was dating this guy recently who I feel completely different about now vs then. When I was dating him I was totally infatuated, he really could do no wrong in my eyes. He was a cute, affectionate guy who treated me well. However, looking back at it now, I realize how doomed that relationship was. We really had nothing in common so we didn't talk very much. Quite often it felt like he was ignoring me but I assumed that was just because we had nothing to talk about. His "affection" was more like he wanted to get in my pants and less like he was loving. Looking back I think the only reason I was in that relationship was because I was attracted to him, there was really nothing else there.

When it comes to what kind of relationship I want this is what I always say, I want someone like a best friend but a best friend I can make out with. So to me, the most important quality a guy could have is being emotionally compatible with me, hence like a best friend. I think you can always tell whether or not you are emotionally compatible, sometimes you just want to ignore it because you like the person. 

Despite the fact that I keep saying I don't want to settle, I keep settling. The reason for that is I just didn't know how to tell if they are right for me. Recently I met someone who I connect with in a way I've never connected with someone before. I'm such a weirdo around him but he just thinks the weird parts of me are cute and is equally as weird himself. Meeting him has shown me exactly what it feels like to meet someone who suits you. Not only have I gotten a clear view of my past relationships but I've become surer of what I want in future relationships. 

My New Beginning Starts Today

It's strange to feel this way. I haven't seen you in a while and I don't even think of you that much. It's been a week since you broke up with me and I can honestly say I'm doing okay. It's only when I go to certain places that I get sad.

Currently, I can't handle the breakwater, downtown, the park near your house, the beach, and the mountain.

Tonight I went to the breakwater with a friend and I kept looking around for you. For some reason since we went there together once I expected to see you, but of course, I knew you weren't going to be there. I realized tonight how strange it feels to walk around with someone without holding hands. It became like second nature to me that something felt missing every time I took a step. Although you weren't with me, it felt like you were because the memories from that day are still so clear.

I fully accept how things turned out. Sometimes I think about you coming back into my life but I know you never will. I know I can't go back but I won't make the same mistakes twice. In the moment I was so scared of getting close and I wasn't sure I could trust you yet. Looking back I should have just went for it and not held back. Next time when I'm with a guy I like as much as I liked you, I'll be sure to show it.

Now that it's over, all I think about is what I missed out on by holding back. Every opportunity I missed to kiss you. All the times I moved way because I was afraid of being too close. The only regrets I have about you are the things I didn't do.

I don't care if you still think of me but I hope you remember me in a good light. Because even if I was cold and I constantly pushed you away, I really did like you.

Bittersweet Ending

I recently experienced a new first in my life, being broken up with. In the past, I've always been the heartbreaker. I've always wondered what it was like to be on the other side of a breakup. To tell you the truth, I still think breaking up with someone is harder overall than being broken up with. Being broken up with sucks, but it's a short-term pain. Breaking up with someone is a pain you feel for a long time.

I was shaken by the experience because I really liked the guy I was seeing. I didn't want it to happen, but I could tell it was coming. Being with him made me really happy, even if we weren't together for long. In all honesty, I'm not mad or upset that he broke up with me. I'm just sad because I'll miss seeing him.

The last time I had strong feelings for a guy was about three years ago so I was happy to be able to experience feeling like that again. There are many things I wished I could have gotten to do with him but I guess it just wasn't meant to be. Although being broken up with tastes bitter, the memories I have will leave a sweet aftertaste.