Graduates

There are three types of graduates: those who are sad to leave high school, those who can't wait to get out, and those who feel a bit of both. I always thought I would be really sad about leaving high school. I remember crying after I got home from my last day of elementary school although I was more than glad to leave middle school. I'm starting to think the difference between what the graduates feel is all based on whether or not they've had good memories while at school. I had an awful time during middle school which is why I was happy to leave. High school hasn't been that bad for me but there aren't many significant memories I have of it or times I will miss. High school hasn't really been something I've enjoyed, more of something I've had to do. I think this is why I always say that I can't wait to graduate. I'm sure I'll be sad on my last day of school, saying goodbye to the people I've known for 4+ years but when it comes down to it, I don't think I'll miss high school at all.

The Reproductive System

I think the last time I ever learned something sex related was back in grade eight. Now flash forward to grade twelve we just started doing the reproductive system in biology. The funny thing is people are still just as awkward about it as they were five years ago, including me.

We just started the system today and we happened to have a sub and I'm not gonna lie I thought he was attractive. He seemed like he was only a couple of years older than us (probably a student teacher) and was very awkward while teaching us. I think it made it more interesting though because he could kind of make jokes with us and we all got to share the awkwardness together. Although it was hard for me to deal with 1) an attractive sub 2) the male reproductive system and 3) trying to act seriously and not laugh. I felt like I had gone back to grade eight feeling all nervous and giggly as I learned about the different reproductive parts. Eventually, I just sucked it up and tried to act like I was mature because I'm going to study biology in university and I can't be getting all weird about stuff like this then. At least we started off with the hardest thing for me so it can only get easier from here, hopefully.

Uni Excitement

Today I had a meeting with an advisor from my future university to talk about course selection. Maybe this is because I haven't started any of the classes yet but my classes for next year all seem so great. University used to seem so scary and the whole picking classes ordeal seemed really scary too but now it all just sounds great. Honestly, I'm 100% done with high school so maybe that's why I'm so excited for university.

I read this post online about how people can't understand why high school students are excited about university because they say university is just debt and stress. Honestly, if that's all they think of university then I don't know why they even bothered to go. I personally am not going just because I have to. Not many of my family members have gone to university so there isn't any pressure on me to go, I'm going because I want to. University seems like the perfect step between high school and a real job. It's still familiar enough to what you are used to that you don't get completely overwhelmed by change but still prepares you more for the real world. However, I'm still going to be in the same city living with my parents so my feelings are a bit different than someone moving away for university.

I can't tell you how ready I am to graduate. I really just want to begin my university classes and meet a whole bunch of new people and make my life more like the one I actually want. Sure university is stressful and scary but I'm ready to take that step in my life. Who knows I might look back on this post in a few months and laugh about how easy I thought things would be but there's no reason I have to be realistic right now. University is still a dream to me so it'll stay pleasant in my mind until I actually start it.

How Prom Went

First of all, there was the picture taking part. I felt really awkward during 80% of it. Nothing all that much happened except I had my first ever picture taken with my ex. Seeing him tonight kind of confused me but I'll get back to that.

At the actual prom venue we spent quite a lot of time taking pictures when we arrived. Then it was time for dinner but my table was literally the last one called. I was so hungry I felt like I was going to faint and once I got my food nothing else mattered except eating. After that there was dessert then the slideshow which was pretty boring. Then it was time to dance which was my favourite part. There was a little bit of drama though with one of my friends and a guy she liked which ended with him dislocating his jaw after running into a wall (he was running to go dance to his favourite song). I had a fun time dancing and had a good time hanging outside laughing at people sucking the helium from the balloons to make their voices all squeaky. The night ended and my friend and I were planning on going to this after prom thing but it seemed pretty sketchy so we decided not to. That's pretty much everything that happened.

Now back to my ex. I was planning on avoiding him like I usually do but our parents are friends so of course my mom wanted to talk to his mom and he came over to say hi. We ended up getting a picture taken together with our arms around each other which surprisingly wasn't that awkward. I should mention that he had a date which was a girl who I know who is super nice. Anyway when it was dinner time him and his date were sitting at the same table as me. We only made eye contact once because I basically just kept sipping water. They ended up moving to the table beside mine which was where her friends were sitting. Even though I didn't want to, I kept looking for him all night long. I'm a little confused about my feelings because although I really like being around him, I'm not sure I still like him the same way I used to. I like talking to him and I still think he's attractive but I don't know it just feels different, like he's a friend not an ex. The thing is I don't think I have feeling for him anymore but I still kept thinking about kissing him and stuff which is weird. I dunno it's confusing. I'd like to say this problem wont exist once I graduate but we are going to the same university and going into the same program so there will probably be more posts about this.

Overall I had a really great night. It was everything I wanted it to be and I looked awesome in my dress. Definitely was worth going.

Prom Baby!!!

I should clarify the title I just realized it can be read two ways, I'm just excited, there is no baby. But yeah I'm super duper excited because tonight is prom night. I have about another half an hour where I can get away with doing nothing until I get really busy.

Soon I'll be going to get my hair done then it'll be a big rush to do my makeup, get dressed and do everything I need to do to get ready. Right now I'm just enjoying this calm time and listening to music. But oh my god I can't believe this day is finally here. I've been dreaming of prom for like eighteen years (I'm kidding but it's been a long time). I honestly can't believe I'm already eighteen and getting ready for my prom night. Time moves so quickly. I feel like I was just entering kindergarten and now I'm graduating high school! It's all so exciting and slightly scary.

I really want to put on my dress now but I need to wait until after I do my makeup so sadly I have to stay in my lazy clothes for a while longer. Maybe I should put in my contacts now... Ok well, I'll go now and leave you with a picture of my beautiful dress. Prom!!!!!

It's Not Just Parents Who Worry

Today I was making dinner when my brother came home and asked where our mom was since the car was gone. I didn't realize she had left and never heard anything about it from her. I shrugged it off and figured it was no big deal. However, a couple hours of later it was dark out and she still wasn't home. I found her cell phone in the living room and began to worry. I had awful thoughts about something terrible happening to her. I ended up reading through her texts and began to worry she had gone to meet up with an awful ex-boyfriend of hers. By this point I was extremely scared and worried so I got my brother involved. We spent half an hour trying to figure out what had happened until finally she came home. It turns out she just went to visit a friend but it still caused me a lot of worry.

Usually it's parents worrying about their children but there are many time when the children worry about their parents. It has been a long-running trend in my life of me worrying something has happened to my mom every time she's late coming home. As a child when she went out I couldn't sleep until I knew she had gotten home safely. I know this situation turned out to be nothing but it still seems unfair of her to worry me like that. Just like a child shouldn't cause their parents to worry, parents shouldn't cause their kids to worry. It's easy enough to write a note when you leave or at least remember to take your phone so your kids know you are okay.

Do You Need A Date To Prom?

I feel like there's this distance between me and the rest of my grad class. It's like they all know exactly how all this graduation and prom stuff works but I have no clue. I get the basic details but stuff like dates and the bus to prom were things I thought no one bothered with. Turns out 90% of the grad class takes a bus from our photo-taking location to our prom location, I think I'm the only one who didn't know that. Also when it comes to dates, turns out it's not just like any other dance.

Apparently, a prom date is actually a thing people have. I thought all the hype around dates was like a teen movie thing, not a real life thing. I mean I haven't seen any promposals but I've heard of lots of people with dates. My question is whether or not I should feel bad about not having a date. I never planned on having a date, being single I wouldn't want to just go with some random guy just so I have a date but I also feel kinda ashamed of not having a date. I know it doesn't matter and my original plan was to hang out with friends and that's what's going to happen but I can't help but worry this dance will be just like the last one I went to. During the last dance, I brought my best friend with me and my other friends left us alone and pretty much ignored me the whole night or at least that's how it felt. This time my best friend won't be there since she goes to a different school but I still worry that I will feel out of place or ignored with my friends. That's kinda why having a date would be nice so that I would have someone there who would pay attention to me and not leave me alone. From my experience bringing a date to a dance is pretty boring but I have a feeling having a date to prom is a lot more exciting.

The bottom line is I don't have a date to prom. Do I need a date to prom? No. Do I want a date to prom? Sort of. However, I will say if you are in the same situation as me, try not to worry because worrying isn't really solving anything. I'm sure everything will be okay and it'll be lots of fun hanging out with friends. My prom is less than a week away so you can imagine how I feel.

I Can't Talk Properly

Lately, I haven't been talking that much and it seems to be every time I do talk my words come out weird. I either talk too fast or I slur my words together or I talk in a strange pitch. If I talk often the words come naturally but it seems to be whenever I talk after not talking for a while everything gets all messed up. It's annoying because I want to talk more but when I talk strangely it makes me feel unconfident and I get quiet again.

Also sort of on the subject of talking I saw my best friend recently after we had been unable to meet up for a couple of weeks. It made me realize how different my relationship is with her than with my other friends. Maybe it's because we've known each other for so long and there's literally nothing we don't know about each other but it's so easy to hang out with her. With her, I can make stupid jokes or act completely idiotic. It made me realize that she's probably the only friend who I act like myself around. That is kinda sad but also good that I have a person like her in my life. With other people,  I would constantly be worried about saying the wrong thing but with her, I know it's not a problem. I'm still forever thankful that she's a part of my life because if she wasn't around I think I would go crazy. Even if I don't talk well or I don't always make sense, I still need to be able to talk. I'm not upset with my other friends for not knowing this, it's just a little annoying that I'm unable to act like myself or say what I want to say around them.