Summer Thoughts

As it gets closer and closer to summer, I'm becoming a bit delusional. I think I'm putting a bit too much pressure on summer and I have way too many plans. I keep thinking about all the things I want to try, like writing a good novel, starting a good youtube channel, drawing good pictures, etc. The good may seem unnecessary but I've done all those things before and this time I want to create things I'm actually proud of. While I'm in the creative mood it would probably be a good idea to fix up this blog as it's become a bit of a mess (well it's always been a mess but that's beside the point) and I'd like it to also be something I'm proud of. I'm thinking maybe plan out my posts instead of just randomly typing and posting my thoughts. I also want to spend a lot of time relaxing and doing cliche summer things such as going to the beach, going to the lake, wearing bikinis all the time, eating popsicles, and doing on weekend trips.

Most of all, my strangest thought has to do with my boyfriend. He'll be moving here in two months and I'm really excited about it but my brain is a bit confused. For some reason, my thoughts seem to imply that I need to make this summer the best one possible because I won't see him again after that. My boyfriend is moving here for good so I'm not sure why I can't wrap my head around the fact that he won't be leaving after a couple of months. I guess I haven't really come to terms with the fact that we will actually be able to have a normal relationship because the whole time I've known he we have been long distance. I'm sure the adjustment will go well but it's oddly scary to transition from a long distance couple to a "regular" couple.

What It's Like to be in a Long Distance Relationship

It's terrible because I love you so much that I feel like my heart is going to burst. I just want to scream it to the sky but I know even then you are too far away to hear it. I go to sleep lonely every night wishing you had your arms wrapped around my waist and your body pressed against mine. I spend my days thinking about all the incredible adventures we have ahead of us but in my free moments I count and recount the days until you get here. I want to kiss you all the time but we spend so much time apart I can't even remember what your lips feel like. I just think back to our last visit and I'm consumed with thoughts of I should have kissed you more, I should have spent more time with you, I should have made it absolutely clear how crazy I was about you when I had the chance to. Now I try to communicate my feelings through skype sessions and silly emojis but there are some things words can't say. Words won't tell you what it's like on a lonely night when I'm wearing your sweater that I've avoided washing for two weeks because I want to hold on to the last trace of something that smells like you. I can't explain how much I crave you in every sense. How much I want to be near you, to touch you, and to talk to you without a computer screen separating us. I have to watch happy couples going on the dates I want to go on and do the things I want to do with you.

It sucks most of all because I know that it's not only me that feels this way, our pain is amplified because we both feel it. We are both miserable being apart. We are counting down the days, watching relationship milestones go past as we just pray that time will speed up and we'll be in each other's arms again. The only redeeming fact about our situation is that we have each other. The only reason we put ourselves through this torture is because of the intense love we feel for each other. The love that is so strong not even 4000km can get in the way. So yes long distance relationships are awful but in the end, I have you, so it's worth all the pain.